Nonverbal Listening Patterns: Self-Assessment and Improvement

Introduction to Nonverbal Listening Patterns

Nonverbal listening patterns play a key role in determining whether communication will be effective. They serve as an outward symbol of the listener's interest in what is being discussed. Positive nonverbal listening patterns such as maintaining meaningful eye contact, nodding in acknowledgment, and leaning toward the speaker signal the listener's active participation in the conversation. Negative patterns, on the other hand—which include glancing at a watch, playing with jewelry and hair, and biting nails and lips—are an outright symbol that the listener is either bored or disinterested in the subject matter. This exercise assesses the effectiveness of nonverbal behavioral patterns displayed in two distinctly different conversations: one with a family member's elder sister who lived out of the country and whom I had not seen for almost a decade, and another with a childhood friend with whom I have shared life experiences since kindergarten. Both conversations were held at home at different times, although the second one focused mainly on relaying what it was like to converse with a sister whom I had last seen when I was in elementary school.

Conversation with Sister: Analysis of Negative Patterns

The conversation with the family member's sister was, in my view, tense and highly emotional. It mainly revolved around personal lives and the changes that we had both undergone living in different environments. She described what Europe was like, what she missed about America, and what she thinks of our lives ten years later. It was almost impossible for me to maintain steady eye contact because I felt she had changed and was a totally different person—a stranger. I crossed and recrossed my legs several times during our exchange and felt that she was exaggerating the idea of "missing us." If she truly missed us, I reasoned, she would not have waited ten years. I did not want her to notice my attitude, and so I kept putting on a fake smile.

My posture was slumped, and I kept shifting my weight, perhaps because the conversation was rather long and nothing close to what I had expected. I had a strange feeling that I was emotionally cut off, and the conversation was more inclined toward the other person. I glanced at my watch and fidgeted several times, and I remember her asking if I was okay at some point. My body language throughout the exchange was inappropriate and gave the impression that I was disinterested in the subject matter. Upon reflection, I should have made an attempt to understand why she had taken so long to reach out to me. If I had adopted a more positive perception, I would have been more comfortable with the conversation and displayed more engaged listening behaviors.

Conversation with Childhood Friend: Contrasting Behaviors

The second conversation was totally different from the one I had with the family member's sister. I was the speaker for the better part of the conversation, explaining my thoughts and feelings about the reunion. For the limited period that I was the listener, I realized that it was relatively easy for me to maintain unwavering eye contact, perhaps because I was more comfortable talking to a lifelong friend or because he seemed to be discussing something more realistic. I maintained a slumped posture, at times resting my head upon my chin.

The friend was trying to demonstrate that my behavior had been inappropriate and that I needed to appreciate the fact that regardless of how long it had taken his sister to return to America, she was here now. Unlike the earlier conversation with the family member's sister, I realized that I nodded several times in acknowledgment in this case. Despite the fact that the subject matter was negative, I felt like I was part of the conversation rather than emotionally removed from it. This contrast in my nonverbal behavior revealed how comfort level and emotional state directly influence listening effectiveness.

Self-Assessment and Improvement Strategies

Judging from the two conversations above, I would argue that I have a serious problem maintaining steady posture during conversations. To improve on this, I may have to practice talking to people in front of a mirror, as well as learn to relax my shoulders and sit up straight in a relaxed and not overly tense manner. Further, I will need to boost my eye contact skills by maintaining a positive attitude and focusing more on what the speaker is saying as opposed to what I expect them to say. Moreover, I will have to learn to keep my legs and arms open, or better still, make good use of them through gestures to add force to what is being communicated. These practical strategies target the specific behaviors I identified as problematic and will require conscious practice and self-monitoring to implement effectively.

Conclusion: Learning and Growth

I consider this exercise a valuable addition to my overall knowledge base. It has had a positive influence on my ability to not only create a positive communication environment, but also to be an effective listener. I recognize, nonetheless, that to become a perfect communicator, I will need to work on my weak communication skills while simultaneously reinforcing the strong ones. This self-assessment has clarified my priorities for personal development in the area of interpersonal communication.