Integrate Speakers Into Baby Car Seats, There

¶ … integrate speakers into baby car seats, there is not enough information provided as to how adding speakers will benefit the baby and how the speakers will benefit the parent. Furthermore, Michelle does not list any consequences or drawbacks to the integration of speakers to car seats. Below is a detailed breakdown of each paragraph and the strengths and weaknesses of each.

Beginning with the opening paragraph, Michelle establishes that she will be writing about car seats and gives a brief overview of the history of car seats. However, the opening paragraph is missing a clear and concise thesis that argues that car seat speakers would be an added benefit to the already protective device. Moreover, the last sentence of the paragraph is muddled and does not establish a clear stance on the integration of speakers to car seats, but rather posits a hypothesis. The opening paragraph also needs to have punctuation and grammar fixed to correct run-on sentences and needs to eliminate the use of first person pronouns such as "we."

The second paragraph has a good opening sentence, however this point is not established in the thesis. Also, while Michelle contends that the reader needs to understand the mechanics of car seats, she does not provide any specific details as to what differentiates each car seat from the other. It would be suggested that Michelle include specific details about the car seats and what requirements need to be met before a child is moved up to the next type of seat.

The third paragraph needs to be reworked in its entirety. The paragraph is also too instructional rather than informative. Michelle needs to write the paragraph so that she establishes that building the car seat in a certain way will not compromise its protective integrity. Do not use the word "if" too much because it makes the writer sound uncertain. The paragraph is too "if you do this, then this will happen." The paragraph should be written so that it is more "if you build the chair this way, then you will avoid these issues."

The fourth paragraph has a good introductory sentence and establishes one of the pros of having speakers installed in car seats. However, Michelle only introduces one pro-to installing speakers to car seats. She needs to add more pros to make a stronger argument for the installation of speakers to car seats; allowing the baby to listen to something other than their parents and vise versa is not enough. Michelle should include at least two more pros. Furthermore, the paper is missing cons. Are there seriously no downsides to installing speakers to car seats? What about a lack of bonding between parent and child over music or any other audio-based media such as books and other instructional materials? What about having speakers replaced or fixed if they get broken?