Traumatizing for a Parent to Find Out

¶ … traumatizing for a parent to find out his children are homosexual or for a child to find out his parents are homosexual? The answer to this question is never easy, but is increasingly important as homosexuals assert their rights to come out of the closet and to raise families more and more. Karen Peterson's article, "Looking Straight at Gay Parents" assesses varying aspects of the latter situation. Michael LaSala's article, "What to do When Your Child Says "I'm Gay!" explores significant ramifications of the former situation. A comparison between these articles indicates that it is more difficult for children to grow up with homosexual parents than for parents to find out their children are gay.

(Describe subject 1) The effects of parents finding out that their children are homosexual can actually help some parents. Once parents get over the initial surprise, this information can help them to become attuned to a side of them that they were not previously aware of. Moreover, it can also help them to become emotionally closer to their children. LaSala's article demonstrates some of the positive repercussions that parent feel after their children inform them of their tendencies in the following quotation. "I find that some parents get to the point where they believe that the experience of having a gay child actually made them a better person -- more open-minded and sensitive to the needs of others, particularly those in minority groups. Yet others found that their relationships with their children grew to be closer, stronger and more honest than ever" (LaSala)

LaSala says too that the discovery will make parents more open-minded and tolerant not only to their own child, but to others too. However, it will take a while to get used to so he refers parents to an arsenal of resources that include competent counselors, books, trusted friends, the Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) organization, and Education. He advocates that the parent should be open to letting the child teach him / her about the experience; at the end of the day, the parent will not only have a closer connection with the child but, actually, be grateful for the experience.

(Describe subject 2) However, the effects of finding out that one's parents are homosexual and different from others can present difficulties and certain pressures for children. According to a woman referenced in Peterson's article, Abigail Garner (an author about homosexuals and parenting and someone who was raised by homosexual parents), children of homosexual parents have "special challenges" in which "They often feel a need to be perfect, she says. Garner wanted "to present myself as being very successful for fear that if I had any flaws, immediately the assumption would be it was because my father was gay" (Peterson).