The Relationship Between Sex and Marriage

¶ … sex and marriage is a relatively clear one, even though marriages can exist without sex and sex can also exist without marriage. When examining the relationship between sex and marriage from a theological standpoint, it becomes important to draw from scripture as well as social tradition to show what the specific connection is between sex, on the one hand, and marriage on the other. Marriage is a political, social, and in many cases an economic institution. The relationship between spouses is one that involves an entire community. Sex is generally a private act, and yet it can have tremendous public consequences when sex leads to childbirth. Although not all marriages define themselves by the birth of children, the traditional patriarchal and especially Judeo-Christian model of marriage certainly does hinge on childbearing. Sex can be framed as a physical celebration of the love and commitment that exists between spouses and can strengthen the bond in the relationship.

Whether one's definition of marriage is traditional or progressive, sex does define the relationship and its emotional intimacy. A married couple that does not have sex are little more than friends or roommates. Several essays included in Perspectives on Marriage show that the "primitive Christian understanding of marriage" that is rooted in the Bible has strong patriarchal overtones and has therefore become largely irrelevant in the 21st century (Mackin, 2007). At the same time, the Christian concept of marriage continues to define what many people would consider the marriage relationship to be: a relationship that involves several features including cohabitation, sharing of financial resources, and parenting.

One of the main functions of sex is procreation, which is why many traditionalists view same-sex marriage as being socially deviant. Yet procreation remains only one of the functions of sex; other functions include the expression of love between the two partners. When childbirth becomes part of the marriage relationship, the entire community becomes transformed as the new life is brought into the world and the family expands. Childbirth can occur outside of the marriage relationship, as in cohabiting couples. Cohabitation, same-sex marriage, and childfree marriages do not denigrate or undermine the integrity of the traditional Christian marriage. On the contrary, Christian marriages exist as one of many models of marriage, all of which can be considered valid in a pluralistic society. A traditional Christian marriage is based on procreation, turning what would otherwise be a private act (sex) into a public one (childbirth). Because of the public nature of marriage, communities can and should work hard to encourage married couples to stay together. One way for married couples to stay together is to strengthen their emotional and sexual relationship.