Active Voice Instead of Passive

¶ … active voice instead of passive voice.

For the "We got down to business" paragraph, cut back on the actual device details and emphasize more on my role and my personal growth and insight about myself that I gained from the process.

Expand on the benefits of the device beyond just helping my grandfather - it could benefit every one with incontinence and the associated emotional issues.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

The physical limitations brought on by age can be a nightmare. My grandfather became wheelchair-bound after age 70 and was unable to walk, eat, or relieve himself without assistance. It pained me to see my grandfather deteriorate this way after watching him single-handedly support my whole family. In addition to his physical limitations, he became self-conscious about his dependence on adult diapers. I realized that this regression and humiliation can be a source of depression and alienation from other among the elderly.

My mother, a former nurse, shared my concern about my grandfather and during our conversations about his incontinence, we devised the design of a portable urine drainage system for men, hoping to make my grandfather's life less troublesome and more dignified. With help from my whole family, I invented "You R. Free to Go." I devoted many hours of hard work and I found that process to be tremendously beneficial to me personally. Prior to my involvement in this project, I regarded myself as an introvert. However, in communicating with everybody who was involved in the project of manufacturing an operational product I managed to substantially overcome my inherent fear of failure. I also appreciated the experience of being a project leader. However, nothing compared to the way that directly improving the life of a patient helped me recognize the long-term rewards of a medical career.

The difficulties of developing a functioning prototype from the design stage seemed to increase continually, but we eventually managed to come up with a practical and usable device. My grandfather appreciated the restoration of his dignity and independence so much that he became much more confident and willing to leave the house because he no longer feared humiliation from urinary accidents. Ultimately, I benefitted as much as my grandfather did from the experience because I was able to witness, firsthand, the degree to which my efforts provided my patient with a much higher quality of life. The entire experience left me with an even greater appreciation for the rewards of a career that will undoubtedly provide countless opportunities to help others overcome health problems that interfere with their quality of life. For that, I will always be indebted to my grandfather for helping me discover my professional calling in life.