¶ … suffers from a number of strengths and weaknesses. The first sentence, uses the phrase "really great" which is both imprecise and uninformative. The following sentences show some good grammatical use in the proper use of contractions (it's), but are again hampered by poor word choice ("neat"). In addition, plurals are used improperly (bookseller's instead of booksellers'). The word "I" is overused, appearing in the beginning of at least five sentences. The original passage is both easy to understand, and imparts a sense of the writer's personality. However, the writer appears to be less professional and literate than he or she may have intended. Further, the use of P.S. At the end of a letter is often problematic, and in this case is unnecessary, as the information could have easily been included in the body of the letter. The passage is rewritten in the paragraphs below.
I am a new publisher with a fantastic product that your bookstore may be interested in selling. Your announcement in Publishers Weekly convinced me that this summer's booksellers' show is a fantastic concept. My books would be a great contribution to this exciting show. Further, I could also help promote my hot new title "T-Shirt Art" by providing live T-Shirt airbrushing. As a former airbrush artist, I can create interesting art that could help entertain and attract customers to the booksellers' show. As a former sign painter who has created hundreds of effective and exciting advertising illustrations, I can also take the opportunity to promote my new book, "How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business."
My public relations campaign begins in May 2000 with advertisements in Publishers Weekly and art trade papers, allowing my books to be well-known by the start of your booksellers' show in August. I have enclosed a photograph and biography of myself. If you are interested in my participation in the show, I would greatly appreciate information on booth space in order to better manage costs and appearance time. Thank you so much for your time and attention. I look forward to hearing from you.
