Spiritual and religious autobiography

¶ … Spiritual Autobiography:

From Buddhism to Christianity and beyond

Like so many Asian-Americas, my spiritual autobiography is a tale of a divided self. I have grown up in two words, both Christian and Buddhist, and both are equally important parts of my identity. I would say that I have a 'fused' self -- not separate Christian and Buddhist ones, although I knew that some people would say that these traditions are mutually incompatible. However, I would say that they are complimentary. Although one is 'Western' and one is 'Eastern,' both preach compassion and tolerance.

My grandmother is an immigrant; my mother is a child of immigrants. Giving me a deep and abiding sense of their native culture was very important to both of them. They were devout Buddhists and raised me as one. I remember seeing pictures of the Buddha growing up in my home. Some of my friends who did not grow up in Asian-American households claim to be Buddhist because they meditate for five minutes every day or practice yoga, but for me Buddhism was a much more formal type of tradition. I remember my mother taking me to a Buddhist temple, practicing devotions before images, lighting candles, and yes, meditating.

For some people, it is assumed that the religion that they practice is the religion of everyone else -- perhaps for someone who grows up in a very homogeneous community, this is the case. However, for me, I soon realized that the religion I practiced at home was not the religion of the majority. Even if I hadn't been bombarded with Christmas carols and tales of friends getting Christmas presents, my family sent me to Catholic school in the second grade, where the Buddhism of my home environment made me a distinct minority. My parents sent me to the school mainly because they were concerned about the quality of the education I would receive in the public school system, and I did receive a good education, as well as an education in Catholicism.

Although some children may have resisted the teachings they received at home, I was open to learning about them. I also wanted to fit in. Because I was Asian-American, I felt 'different' from my peers, and while I am now proud of my difference, at the time I just wanted to fit in, and being a Buddhist was not the best way to fit into a Catholic school. Despite this, I loved school, I loved my teachers, the disciplined yet warm environment, and gradually my own, still-malleable beliefs began to shift towards Christianity. I enjoyed the stories I learned about in religion class and the simplicity of the message of love and acceptance.

I begged my parents to allow me to convert and to make my first communion. In America, influenced by the dominant culture, my family's own belief structures had begun to shift and change, and they supported my decision. With the support of my religious community, I accepted the Catholic religion as my own and thrived in Catholic school. My family began to attend church, and I also attended Sunday school regularly.

Occasionally, I would meet with prejudice from people who did not understand how I could be Asian-American and Christian.

"You're not Catholic," they would say, even when I was wearing my Catholic school uniform and despite the fact that so many people at my Catholic school looked just like me.

"Yes I am," I would say, and feel very offended. However, a part of me always made me wonder if I was betraying my Asian-American heritage. Why would people question my heritage because I subscribed to a 'Western' faith? Was that somehow wrong? The pictures of Jesus in Sunday school portrayed Him as the teachers of all people, not just white people. However, Christianity clearly had an image of being a 'white' religion. I could not ignore this fact.

There were aspects of Catholicism that did make me feel uncomfortable, however. Although most of the Catholics within my community were extremely accepting, I also heard some intolerant people say that persons of other faiths would not be saved in heaven. I did not believe this. I did not believe that my relatives who still practiced Buddhism were inferior to me, or were going to hell or were less moral than myself. I believed that anyone, so long as he or she practiced compassion and charity, could be good person.

As I grew older, although I remained a practicing Catholic, I began to learn more and more about the religious faith of my mother and grandmother. Like Jesus, the Buddha was a teacher who cared about the poor and desired to liberate others from all of the suffering in the world. I learned that Buddha was born a wealthy man, but one day, when he had left his fine home, he saw men who were sick, old, and dying, and was instantly struck by the injustice of the world. He resolved to leave his comfortable life and to find Enlightenment as a result. For many years, he embarked upon a spiritual journey of extreme asceticism. Then, one day, while on a long and terrible fast, a young girl offered him a bowl of milk and rice. The Buddha was so moved by her gestures and the simplicity of her kindness he was able to achieve Enlightenment, or an understanding and acceptance of the impermanence of all things.

Although some people find Buddhism depressing, Buddhism's teaching about life's impermanence and the endless suffering of desire and disappointment that characterizes life is not supposed to be 'dark' or miserable. Rather, it merely encourages the practitioner to accept this fact, in a complete and radical fashion, and not to be sad about it. All things are supposed to be endured with equal grace. That is the purpose of meditation: to counsel a 'right mind.' I always think -- if Buddhism was so depressing, then why is Buddha always smiling? Buddhism also teaches that there is no essential difference between all living beings, regardless of who they are. That is why it is essential to bestow equal compassion to others as to one's self, and not to cling to an egocentric view of the world.

I have come to understand that Buddhism is more than incense and chanting, the aspects of the religion that had the greatest impact upon me as a child. Buddhism is a philosophy and a mindset, and its practices of non-attachment to the world can be observed even within the context of Christianity. As a small child, the image of the Buddha in a temple was terrifying to me in its strangeness, but now I find the image of the Buddha comforting and serene. I have come to judge the religion on its own terms, and its ethical values resonate with me.

The religion of Christianity similarly centers on a central figure, that of Jesus. Jesus, like the Buddha, was a compassionate teacher who wished to elevate the lives of all human beings. Jesus was born a poor man, unlike the Buddha, but taught that God would accept all human beings into his kingdom who loved and believed in him. Christianity acknowledges the injustices and sufferings inherent in the material world. Believing in Christ and being saved in Christ is the way to escape these unpleasant aspects of existence. Christianity does not teach that the world is suffering and we must escape this suffering like Buddhism; it teachers that Christ suffered for us, and that through suffering we can also find a sense of higher truth and purpose.