Older Adults and Younger Adults

¶ … older adults and younger adults deal with issues related to love, relationships and sex in the film Something's Gotta Give (2003)

Despite some notable exceptions, within American culture it was once more acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman than for a woman to seek out a partner younger than herself. In Something's Gotta Give, Harry Sanborn has taken advantage of this assumption that it is natural for an older man to desire a younger woman for most of his life. "Some say I'm an expert on the younger woman -- since I've been dating them for 40 years," Harry says, proudly. Well into his sixties, at the beginning of the film he is courting a much younger woman named Marin. However, eventually age gets the better of Harry when he has chest pains and must be rushed to the hospital. Even when confronted with evidence of his aging, and confined to bed rest, Harry still resists the idea he is getting older. He eventually seduces Erica, Marin's mother, causing an even more complicated love triangle than existed before, but also learns important lessons that challenge his ideas about female sexuality and aging.

The contrast between Harry and Erica's attitudes towards sex in terms of their genders is quite evident, early on in the movie. Although she is a successful playwright, Erica does not assume that she is attractive to men, especially younger men, and is surprised when Harry's doctor makes sexual and romantic advances towards her. Women were once assumed to be 'used up' after a certain age, but as the culture has grown more accepting of sexuality in older women, younger men are more inclined to take an interest in women of Erica's generation. This is manifested in Dr. Mercer's assumption that Erica is still actively seeking out sexual partners, which surprises her. Having grown up during the sexual revolution, and fairly worldly because of her status as a successful published playwright, Erica still has trouble seeing herself as sexually desirable because of her age.

Both Erica and Harry share the same essential worldview regarding sexual relationships between men and women: they assume that male desire is not limited by age, while female desire eventually cools after a certain point. They assume that males are almost always the aggressors in relationships and younger women do not fully understand 'what they are getting into' when an older man tries to seduce them. When Erica discovers that Harry is dating her daughter Marin, she is not angry that Marin is sexually active, she is angry because she sees the older man as a predator. She is angry and cold to Harry, and assumes that he is taking advantage of the girl. The younger Marin, in contrast, sees herself as an empowered woman who is making a choice to date an older man, and does not view herself as a victim, as seduced or compromised. She does not view the relationship as discriminatory, because in her view both men and women are capable of showing sexual prowess at any age.

Another assumption of the older generation is that males do not wish to be 'ensnared' by women, while women desire more security and stability. This is proved to be wrong when Dr. Mercer proposes marriage to Erica and asks her to run away to Paris with him. Instead of avoiding commitment, like Harry, Dr. Mercer does not see having a strong, stable female presence beside him as a threat. But the older Harry clearly hopes that by avoiding marriage he can prolong his rapidly-fading youth. Only after his health scare does he realize the value of having a woman of his own generation to talk to, who understands the issues of middle-age and beyond.