Resilient Self Resilience: A Resillant

Resilient Self

RESILIENCE: A resillant psyche is fostered by external as well as internal influenced, including such factors such as the presence of caring adults, setting high but reasonable expectations for the sufferer, and being exposed to opportunities that are external as well as internal to the indivdiual. Resillance does not mean shutting out the past, rather it means making something positive out of negative events in one's life. It is a way of engaging in positive, rather than negative and self-destructive struggle with life.

DAMAGE MODEL: In the damage model of childhood abuse, familes are seen as toxic agents, like bacteria or viruses and vulnerable, helpless children who are abuse survivors are seen as victims of their parent's poisonous secretions (Wolin & Wolin 13). This creates a self-defeating prophesy, where the individual uses a toxic family as an excuse: 'of course I can't make a commitment, I come from a broken home."

CHALLENGE MODEL: In the challenge model, a potentially negative family environment is seen as potenitally damaging but also an opportunity for growth. As a result of the interplay between damage and challenge, children are left with problems of resilancy and pathologies that do not disappear completely (Wolin & Wolin 16).

VICTIM TRAP: Constantly rehashing the pain of the past is one of the dangers of the victim trap, which can be fostered by well-meaning therapists as well as the more indulgent aspects of modern self-help culture (Wolin & Wolin 5). Moving forward is the goal, not finding reasons to continue negative coping mechanisms that did or did not work in the past.

SURVIVOR'S PRIDE: Survivor's pride is the justified pride in showing resillance in the face of personal difficulties. It may go unrecognized, especially if the survivor is highly competant.

REFRAMING: Reframing means resisting the self-justifying 'victim trap' and retelling the story of one's childhood in a positive fashion. It means that realizing people are not prisoners of their past, and that their own families are not condemned to repeat mistakes from the past in the future (Wolin & Wolin 5;51).