Verified Document

Relationships Dear Jamie, Your Feelings Are Understandable. Research Paper

Relationships Dear Jamie,

Your feelings are understandable. After all, your brain, mind, and body are the products of millions of years of evolution. Your brain circuitry largely dictates your relationship patterns and your predisposition toward certain body types. However, your girlfriend may be experiencing stress or the symptoms of depression that need to be addressed. There are several issues at stake in your question. The first is your natural tendency toward appreciating certain body and face types in women; the second is your level of emotional commitment to your girlfriend; and the third is your girlfriend's own psychological needs.

First, let's address your biological instincts. The reasons for your being drawn to females with specific body types is not "shallow," as you suggest, but it is animalistic and unconscious. Research has consistently shown that heterosexual men have certain preferences in female body types. While not all men have the same taste, there are some common factors found across cultures. For example, "men are irresistibly drawn to the curve of a woman's waist," and especially to women who have specific waist-curve ratios (DeNicolo, 2013, p. 1). There are important evolutionary reasons why you are drawn to a slimmer, more athletic body type than the one your girlfriend currently has. The female body type represented by a narrow waist and curvy hips represents "maximum fecundity," (DeNicolo, 2013, p. 1). In other words, your subconscious mind sees that certain females are ready and able to bear children. Whether you have been thinking actively about having children or not, it means you are drawn to healthy women. Your level of attraction to your girlfriend is the way your body and brain are responding to the sight of both your girlfriend and other women.

Your girlfriend has not only put on weight, she has also stopped exercising. Perhaps this signals to your brain that she is not as healthy as she once was....

Therefore, it's not necessarily that she has put on weight. Your lack of attraction to her at this time may have nothing to do with her weight at all, but to your subconscious impressions of her health. This is something that you might want to speak directly with her about, as it is certainly possible she is not feeling healthy and would appreciate some advice. When you do confront her, make sure you note that it is her health and not her weight or size you are concerned about. Interestingly, researchers have found that men are actually more attracted to plumper women because plumpness indicates wealth and health (DeNicolo, 2013).
The second issue is related to your level of emotional commitment to the relationship. You do seem committed to the relationship. After all, you have not yet acted on your desires toward other women. Your emotional commitment is why you wrote the letter. You do want to save your relationship, but are not yet sure how to go about doing it. You are unhappy, and so is your girlfriend.

Therefore, your emotional attachment to your girlfriend will be the cornerstone of healing whatever is going on with both her and you. You express some concern that you are being '"shallow." It is possible that your aesthetics might have been swayed by consumer marketing imagery of waif-thin models in magazines. This may be causing some self-esteem issues with your girlfriend as well. However, based on what you have said, there is more to it than body image alone in your case. Your diminished desire for your loved one has to do with your knowing she is not happy. It is not because she put on weight. Likewise, your girlfriend has been working too hard to take care of her fundamental physical needs.

As part of your commitment to your girlfriend, you may need to get physical. As Smith (2014) points out, touch and physical intimacy are healing. Perhaps you need to look at her body differently. Perhaps you may need to speak with her…

Sources used in this document:
References

DeNicolo, D. (2013). Animal attraction. Allure 23(2).

Fisher, H. (2014). Sue Johnson's 'Love Sense'

Smith, M. (2014). The power of touch -- Intimacy has health benefits for all ages

Thompson, D. (2013). Good Body Image Goes Hand in Hand With Happier Relationship.
Cite this Document:
Copy Bibliography Citation

Related Documents

Intimate Relationship on Social Psychology
Words: 822 Length: 2 Document Type: Term Paper

Intimate Relationships The human animal is indeed a social animal. Throughout our history, Homo sapiens has demonstrated its need to maintain and make new social bonds, especially in the romantic and sexual arena. This short report examines the factors that modern individuals reports as important in beginning a personal relationship. Both single and committed males and females will be surveyed, and results compared withy regard to gender, age, and divorce and

Intimate Relationships
Words: 871 Length: 2 Document Type: Term Paper

Harriet Lerner's book, The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships provides a helpful and insightful look at anger in women's lives. She teaches women that anger can be a constructive emotion that can help strengthen personal relationships. Her advice can be especially helpful for women, like me, who have sometimes dealt with anger in ineffective and potentially damaging ways. Overall, Lerner's book is

Intimate Relationship and Hiv
Words: 1564 Length: 5 Document Type: Interview

Avni (name changed for anonymity) is a forty-year-old empowered HIV+ woman currently employed in the position of community coordinator with an ART (anti-retroviral therapy) facility. She was able to transform from a bias and social stigma victim (on account of her status as an HIV+ individual) to her current self because of her resolve and the social assistance of a medico-social work organization (Kushwaha & Kumkar, 2012). Born on December 10,

Relationship and Boundary Issues in
Words: 2702 Length: 9 Document Type: Essay

The second act of the social worker that has a strong link with the given theme is when the social worker offered job/work to the client at his place for looking after his children. These two exhibited activities of the social worker are being and outside the scope of the social work ethics based on which these activities are defied as giving nonprofessional services to the client. These activities

Intimate Partner Violence IPV Involves Violent Acts
Words: 607 Length: 2 Document Type: Essay

Intimate partner violence (IPV) involves violent acts including murder, rape, sexual assault, robbery, aggravated assault and simple assault between individuals in intimate relationships such as current spouses, former spouses, current boy/girl friend or former boy / girl friend. The concept of IPV can be thought of in two ways or types, in both a narrow and a broad sense. The narrow usage refers to acts of physical assault on a

Intimate Relationship Conflict Resolution Communication
Words: 607 Length: 2 Document Type: Essay

In the Modern Family episode entitled �Spanks for the Memories,� (Season , Episode 15), Joe and Gloria have a miscommunication that leads to interpersonal conflict. Although it ends humorously and without overt discord on the show, this type of conflict could have resulted in a complete communication breakdown and possibly lead to the demise of the relationship. In this episode, though, Joe and Gloria use relationship maintenance behaviors like being

Sign Up for Unlimited Study Help

Our semester plans gives you unlimited, unrestricted access to our entire library of resources —writing tools, guides, example essays, tutorials, class notes, and more.

Get Started Now