Relationships and technology: impacts and dynamics

Technology and Personal Relationships

The Internet, as we know, it is barely more than a decade old, and the personal computer, the means by which the Internet can be accessed is only a few decades older still. What this means is that for the younger members of society advanced technology is all they have ever known, while for those older ones, they remember a time when public payphones were the only way to make a call when away from home and a computer was something a person saw in science fiction movies. With this in mind I recently conducted a pair of interviews with two persons who were varied in age. The first was a friend and coworker of mine who is also a student in their early twenties and has lived a life entirely saturated with advanced technology, while the second was my uncle who is fifty years of age and works as a manager of a grocery store.

I met my friend "Bill" after work at the restaurant where we are both employed and conducted the interview at the bar while we both ate dinner. I began the interview by explaining the purpose for it and asking the first question that needed to be asked "How does technology affect your relationships with your family and friends?" He began with a story of how his mother constantly calls him, often several times a day, and how technology for her meant that she did not have to completely break off her motherly relationship with her child. "She can hound me wherever I am," he said laughingly. "But it is still nice to know that someone cares."

For him, what seemed the most important aspect of technology was the ease of communication. While it can be annoying, it is an almost unconscious aspect of everyday life. Bill admitted that uses his Smartphone "at least two dozen times a day, and probably more," to send texts to people, to confirm plans, to play games, and even to just call friends to "talk about nothing." Bill may be surrounded by technology, a pad, laptop, mp3 player, videogame, etc., and he uses all of them at one time or another each day, but it is the aspect of communication that impacts his relationship with family and friends the most. "Being able to contact just about anyone at anytime for any reason is the most important thing about technology for me" he answered. "That and ordering pizza, where would I be if I couldn't pick up my phone and order a pizza?"

The next interview was with my mother's brother, named Bob, who is fifty years old and a manager of a grocery store in another city. Because of the distance involved, the interview was conducted over the phone. The thing that surprised me was his reaction when I asked the first question about how technology has affected his relationship with family and friends: he laughed. "Well, you're talking to me right now," he answered. It was then that I realized what he meant, technology allows him to keep in touch with family members who live hundreds of miles away, like myself. My mother was one of four children so my Uncle Bob, who is divorced with no children of his own, has three sisters and nine nieces and nephews. I didn't know this but he uses Facebook to keep track of us. "Without Facebook I wouldn't know what anyone in my family was doing," he said. "And I certainly could never remember everyone's birthday."

I continued my interview with a turn toward the more personal aspects of technology by asking about its affects on his relationships with his friends. "First of all my relationship with my girlfriend is better than when I was younger. We can communicate almost instantaneously, to make arrangements, or pick up things for dinner, or to simply remind me about something." He then went on to tell me about when he was in college in the 1980's and the only way to communicate was through public telephones. He said "you may not believe this but not being able to find a phone can cause a great amount of trouble sometimes. But luckily I never have to worry about that now." He then went off on another tangent talking about how astounded he was that payphones are so difficult to find today and finally working his way around to the fact that his early relationships may have "worked out better if he had a cell phone."