Opening: Rate the Opening on How Dynamic,

¶ … opening: Rate the opening on how dynamic, dramatic, exciting it is. Can you think of a way to make it more dramatic? Can you think of a different opening that would more effectively capture the reader's attention?

The introduction of the Claude essay is pretty basic and, in many ways, is fairly effective. However, the formatting and attention to detail on the citation style as well as some spelling and capitalization are noticeably wrong and this does not speak well of the rest of the document even if there is something decent said, and there is. It is dynamic in the thought that went into it but the quality of the formatting and spelling leaves a lot to be desired.

Is each paragraph dedicated to a single thing, or are they a sort of wash of information squeezed together? Can you suggest a way to organize the material so that each paragraph does a single, specific thing? What information is out of place or unnecessary (based upon what each paragraph is trying to do)? Can you think of any information the reader needs (either about the article or about the subject that the article talks about) and that is missing?

The background statement is also present but it is perhaps a bit off-base. There is talk of rude people, employees and customers. It almost feels as if rude employees are about to be talked about and then it seemingly shifts for no reason to the customer not being right. It is a bit disjointed but the overall point becomes clear after reading the entire introduction. There is information out of place, in that regard and this might confuse a reader. Most of the information can and should be there but it could have been presented better.

3] Thesis Statement: Does the thesis focus on an emotion? If not, can you see an emotion in the rest of the paper that could be used in the thesis? Does the thesis make any of the mistakes that were discussed about thesis statements?

The thesis statement itself is there but it's too simplistic and the information leading up to it takes away from the momentum it would or should have. There is obviously passion and emotion in the statement but the way it's presented makes it easy for people to be dismissive of it.

Point One

4] Transition: Is there a transition, or does the writer just start talking? Can you suggest a way for the transition to link the paragraph back to something in the introduction? Can you think of a reason for the transition to suggest why the topic for Point #1 should be the first point, rather than the second?

The second part of the essay, the first point, and the transition could have been a lot better. For example, the author seemingly uses a quote that they wish to poke holes in but the grabbed part is several paragraphs, is not introduced well and there are several words at a time all by their lonesome in some instances with the spelling and capitalization fairly sloppy throughout. The explanation of why the grabbed quote, the example that drive the rest of the article, is pretty good but the sloppy spelling and formatting (including the use first person…which is not proper writing) just does so much to take away from the paper's quality.

5] Topic Sentence: Is there a clear topic sentence, or does the person just start talking in the first sentence about "stuff"? Is the topic sentence buried a few sentences in the middle of the paragraph; if so, can you suggest where it should be moved? Is there a clear topic (i.e. something the author did in the article to cause the emotion in readers)? Does it clearly refer to the emotion listed in the thesis, or is it implied? Can you suggest how to make it clearer? Are there multiple points; if so, which one is best kept and which one dropped?

The topic sentence makes sense and the explanation as to why the story's point is wrong is fair enough but the presentation is pretty sloppy and the overall arrangement and order of the sentences could have been done in a more logical fashion but is passable overall.