Miller Williams\' 1989 Poem Entitled

¶ … Miller Williams' 1989 poem entitled Thinking about Bill, Dead of AIDS. This poem is written as an elegy to Bill, and all other victims of the AIDS epidemic. Written during the height of the United States' AIDS scare of the 1980's, this poem puts a personal face on the questions and fears that dominated society during this time. In the 1980's little was known about the virus. All that was truly known was AIDS was deadly and there was no cure. As such, people who were infected with the virus were often treated with hatred and outcast from society. The unfortunate result was many of these people died alone and in poverty, the opposite of how society typically treats its sick and dying.

Miller's poem personifies this national mood in the form of a poem about, and more appropriately to, Bill, a presumed friend who has died of AIDS. In the poem Mr. Miller addresses straight on the ignorance society had about the cause and effect of the disease. It discusses the emotions of trying to overcome one's fear of the disease to be with the dying Bill but the difficulties in doing this due to the fact that our ignorance made it impossible to understand the suffering and pain that Bill was enduring.

Analysis

The first stanza states, "We did not know the first thing about how blood surrenders to even the smallest threat when old allergies turn inside out." This line immediately lays out the cause of fear and the inability to comfort Bill being their ignorance of the disease. All they knew was that simple ailments, such as allergies, could kill a person suffering from AIDS, making the disease all the scarier. The poet goes on to state, "the body rescinding all its normal orders to all defenders of flesh, betraying the head, pulling its guards back from all its borders." On its face this line describes the effect AIDS has on the body, essentially that it erodes one's immune system. However, metaphorically this line alludes to how AIDS effects the non-infected by causing us to "pull back" our tradition of caring for the dying and instead ignoring them; of society's treatment of the disease with fear instead of comfort.

Thinking of friends afraid to shake your hand we think of your hand shaking, your mouth set, your eyes drained of any reprimand." This stanza touches on the guilt Bill's friends are feeling for their betrayal and the betrayal of others. Finally they realize that blaming Bill is not the answer, as they can tell by his eyes it is already too late. Instead they begin to see the suffering he endured while still alive, outside of the hospital. The blame placed on him caused his hand to shake, not other hands but by itself, and caused his eyes to drain of life, even before he died.

Loving, we kissed you, partly to persuade both you and us, seeing what eyes had said, that we were loving and we were not afraid." The stanza discusses how Bill's friends tried to "persuade" both themselves and him that they were not afraid and therefore showed this by comforting him with kisses. However, the following stanza shows how this statement is not entirely true. The poet goes on to state, "If we had more, we would have given more. As it was we stood next to your bed, stopping, though, to set our smiles at the door." At first the poet tries to convince himself that they did all they could, more than necessary, even going as far as standing guard over his deathbed. Yet in the last line the poet admits that this was not enough and was in fact nothing but prefabricated "smiles at the door."

The feelings of guilt continue in the final stanza, which states: "Not because we were less sure at last. Only because, not knowing anything yet, we didn't know what look would hurt you least." Finally, the poet admits that they too, like the rest of society, were ignorant as to the pain and suffering caused by Bill's disease. Not knowing what Bill was going through, the poet was unable to understand whether his token gestures of comfort would hurt Bill more than the disease itself.

Conclusion

The theme of guilt and shame dominate this poem. This is evident once one takes the time to analyze the poem line by line. At first it seems like the friends of Bill are chastising those who abandoned him out of fear. However, on closer examination, it becomes clear that, due to their ignorance of the disease and the resulting fear of it, these friends of Bill did little less then what they had to (handshakes, visits and quiet smiles). As a result, after Bill has died, they feel guilt. This poem, when seen from this perspective, along with the surrounding social and political climate of the time, is to be read as a poem to Bill. It is an attempt to give something to Bill to make up for what they failed to give him when he needed it most: understanding.