Managing Anger the Key Theme

Managing Anger

The key theme in Chapter 8 is anger, which the authors define as "a strong feeling of displeasure and a synonym for antagonism and rage" (p.140). The authors note that there are certain situations where anger can be turned into a positive, for example to stand up for oneself. They note that there are two types of people when it comes to expressing anger -- those who keep it inside (anger-ins) and those who are quick to express their anger (anger-outs). I have never thought of the issue in this way. I am pretty much a prototype anger-in, so it is interesting to see how anger management tactics fit into a definable pattern. That will help in the future because I will know more about the ways I react to situations, and be better equipped to manage those types of situations.

The authors propose several different tactics that can help us to manage stressful situations before anger is expressed. Thinking to my own experience, the concern that I have with these recommendations is that they tend to require a calm mind in the heat of the moment. I think many of these pieces of advice are good, but I have encountered them before. If I am faced with an anger situation -- the other day a guy on a skateboard started yelling at me for not getting out of his way for example -- I am not necessarily going to be cool enough to take a time out, engage in relaxation exercises or seek alternative way to express my anger. I wonder if there is not some misdiagnosis when the authors claim that anger is a secondary emotion. Certainly when is being antagonized, that emotion is only specific to the moment, and in the heat of that moment there is no opportunity for reflection. The techniques described in the chapter might be good for afterwards, so that the incident does not simmer and bother me, only for that anger to come out later at an inappropriate moment. As an in-type, I am prone to internalizing that anger. Now in this case I did not, I simply told the man off in no uncertain terms, but that is expressing anger as well. There is a point where anger cannot be avoided, and the authors really provide no insight into how I might deal with those situations.

Chapter 9 focuses on managing face, a concept the authors define as "people's image of themselves" (p. 157). I was interested in this chapter from the outside, since I have been known to trample on people's feelings every now and again. I am not convinced that I have the capacity to understand what other people's face might be, and there is no point in guessing, so I do not concern myself with such things.

The authors focus on the ways that face management (or mismanagement) contributes to anger situations, but I found myself more interested in just trying to figure out the basics of this concept. I read about the positive face and the autonomous face but I do not feel that I gained any new insight into these things.