Genuine Forgiveness, Repression, and Codependence in The Gilded Six-Bits
The evolution of the relationship between Joe and Missie May demonstrates the way that infidelity (and betrayal or serious disappointment) can damage a marital relationship even when the individuals make the conscious decision to remain together. First, in taking his conscious anger out mainly on Slemmons rather than on Missie May, Joe is probably displacing his anger onto the person with whom he does not have a relationship. In a was Missie May whose behavior was worse because only she and not Slemmons who had an intimate relationship with Joe and it was only Missie May who actually owed a duty of honesty and fidelity to Joe.
Joe does decide to stay with Missie May but it is clear that their relationship was changed, at least from his perspective, by virtue of the way that he withdrew physical intimacy as well as the cherished marital routines that had previously been his way of exhibiting his affections and appreciation for Missie May. It seems relatively obvious that he made the conscious decision to stay married and to forgive her for her betrayal even though his anger and sense of betrayal continued long afterwards. In all likelihood, Joe's decision to forgive Missie May reflected the relative inability of Joe to find a different wife, given his socioeconomic status and the social dynamics of that era, not to mention the social stigma associated with divorce in American society. In that respect, and perhaps in others, Joe was probably at least somewhat dependent on Missie May and she on him reciprocally.
Genuine Forgiveness, Repression, and Codependence in my Observations
All of the concepts of conscious forgiveness vs. unconscious...
One cannot watch a week's worth of any television courtroom show without seeing a case involving sexual infidelity in which the aggrieved partner remains with the partner who betrayed her and expresses all of her anger at the other woman instead of at the man who owed her respect and fidelity. That phenomenon is always fascinating and often provokes Judge Judy Scheindlin to ask women why they are more angry at a stranger than at their husbands or boyfriends. That would seem to explain much of Joe's response to his situation.
Likewise, I have witnessed the way that relationships change when one partner is horribly hurt by the other even when they make the decision to stay together. Just as in the story, the couples may stay together but there are profound changes in their relationship: the partner who was betrayed may withhold sex, affection, and even become less resistant to temptations outside of the relationship himself or herself. In my experience, most couples who experience this type of betrayal never get all the way back to the quality of relationship and trust that they may have shared beforehand.
Conclusion
The story The Gilded Six-Bits illustrates several concepts that parallel my everyday observations. I would disagree with the suggestion that it was necessarily the fact that Joe and Missie May shared a "true love" that enabled them to survive as a couple. Rather, I would conclude that their story illustrates a fairly common pattern of displaced anger, repressed anger, lingering resentment, relative lack of alternatives, and codependence that are all readily observable in contemporary society.
