Rhetorical Outline Proposition: Norman Bates,

¶ … Rhetorical Outline

Proposition: Norman Bates, the protagonist of Hitchcock's film Psycho, suffered from an extreme case of self-imposed isolation.

Plan: Demonstrate using examples from the movie the possible reasons for Bates' mental state.

Audience: Scholars and students

Perform psychoanalysis on Norman Bates.

Says: Scholars have conceptualized Norman Bates' psychopathology in terms of isolation.

Does: Introduces the film and the concept of social isolation.

Says: Norman Bates' isolation is self-inflicted.

Does: Uses examples from specific scenes in the film.

Says: Norman's dysfunctional relationships with women starts with his dysfunctional relationship with the mother and the immense guilt and shame he feels.

Does: Cites scholarly analyses of Psycho as well as the film.

Paragraph

Says: Norman Bates' character is also shaped by his intense social isolation.

Does: Uses scholarly evidence to support the claim.

Substantive

The topic is a compelling and interesting one for the reader. It is helpful to see what other scholars have said about the film. It is also helpful to use a fictional character to understand complex psychological maladies. Overall, I think this is a good paper because it fuses film with psychology.

Evaluative

Generally, the writer does a good job of using scholarly evidence from multiple sources, as well as referring to specific scenes from the film. The writer does a good job going back and forth between the prevailing psychological research and how that research applies to the character of Norman Bates.

However, there are some issues with the paragraphs being too long. It would be much more readable if paragraphs 2, 3 and 4 were each broken down into smaller paragraphs. Even so, there is some cogence to these passages. The first paragraph happens to be too short. It would be helpful if the writer was clearer about the thesis in this first paragraph. For instance, the last sentence of the first paragraph is difficult to understand: "Isolation here refers to a lack of or direct boundary to some resource, such as proper mental development." Is "proper mental development" the resource that the individual cuts himself off from? Or is social bond the resource? This concept needs to be explained better.

Grammar

P1S1: Clumsy; the word "alike" can easily be removed.

P1S3: Clumsy sentence again.

P2S1: the term "self-relationship" is not common; does this mean his relationship with himself?

P2: "Although it is desired that men coven the female, Norman possesses a sub-conscious yearning to have effeminate qualities rather than a want for the female as property." This sentence is terrible. For one, the word "covet" and not "coven" is intended. Second, "for want for the female as property" is not really what the writer is trying to say.

P2: "The primary ends for this need for femininity is the procurement of what Norman sees as emotional freedom." First, the grammar is wrong as "the primary ends…are," not "is." However, this is not good phrasing to begin with. The writer should say something like, "Norman wants emotional freedom and seeks it in a stereotypically feminine self-expression."

P1S4: Change to: "The current global leader is the United States: it has a significant influence over the global economy and is equipped with the world's most powerful army."

P3S2: Run-on.

P3: "The lack of the aforementioned relationship likely resulted in the onset of partial deprivation in Norman, which manifests as excessive guilt and need for love." Clumsy; he isn't lacking a relationship -- it was intimacy he was lacking. Also there is a misplaced clause as it is not Norman who "manifests as excessive guilt…" but "deprivation."