Bridging the Generation Gap Between

Bridging the Generation Gap Between Parents and Children

It is no secret that there is a definite generation gap between most parents and their children. They do not always understand one another very well, and they can struggle to relate to one another, mostly because the way that parents did things when they were young are much different from the way that children do things now. That is somewhat affected by the age of the parents when they have children, of course, because parents and children who are closer to one another in age often find that they have more in common than parents and children who are farther apart chronologically (Bridging, 2009). No matter how much age difference there is between parents and children, though, there will be a generation gap. The generation gap between parents and children can be difficult to address and understand, but there are solutions for it that will help both sides communicate better with one another.

Three solutions for the generation gap between parents and children will be discussed here, because it is very important that people find ways to get along better with one another and relate to each other. First, a person must know when to be a friend and when to be a parent (Casterline, 2009). Too many older parents focus on discipline and do not show their children any friendship. On the other hand, too many younger parents try to be friends with their children and end up letting them mostly run wild because they do not see the point in discipline. They are afraid of hurting the child's feelings and making the child sad, so they coddle the child and just focus on doing everything that they can do to make the child happy. With that in mind, they do not teach the child that there are consequences to be paid for inappropriate actions or that not everyone in the world will want to be nice and helpful (Casterline, 2009). These children experience a very rude awakening when they grow up and go out on their own.

In order to bridge the generation gap, parents must not go too far toward friendship, but they must also be careful that they do not go too far toward being a disciplinarian, because some friendship must enter into the mix (Bridging, 2009). If it does not, children will feel as though they cannot talk to their parents about anything, and that can lead them toward feeling as though they have no friends, that no one cares about them, or that they are not loved. It is very unfortunate when this takes place because it can be devastating for the child, and the parent may not actually realize that he or she has done anything wrong (Casterline, 2009). Some children are more bothered by this than other children, as well, so it becomes important to pay attention to what kind of child a person is raising.

Children are not all the same, and they have different needs, abilities, and levels of handling things. Parents must be aware of this issue and work with one another and with their children so that they can form a strong relationship. Erring on the side of caution is generally advisable, but allowing a child to get away with everything for fear of harming that child's feelings is not (Casterline, 2009). Parents were once young, as well, and although they may not have done the same things they are probably aware of having some of the similar feelings and problems that their child is experiencing. The need to discipline children for their wrongdoing and the need to show those children that they are still loved despite that wrongdoing is a careful balancing act, but it is one that can help to bridge any generation gap (Casterline, 2009).

Second, a parent must not talk down to his or her children simply because the current 'crisis' only seems stressful and important to the child and not to the parent (Casterline, 2009). Too many parents laugh off their children's problems because they know that the problem only seems like a big deal at the time and is really not that serious. To the child, however, it is a life-changing and very important event that they are having trouble coping with and that they do not know how to handle. Treating them with respect and acknowledging that they see the problem as a serious one is very important in that case. If a parent does not realize what is important to a child, it can be hard for that child to feel accepted or loved. Older parents can have a harder time remembering how they were treated as children and what kinds of hardships they saw as being serious and important, but that does not mean that they should not try to be supportive of the concerns that a child is facing (Casterline, 2009). Things will be very different in that child's world than they were in the parents' world years ago, but the basic problems of human beings and their ability (or lack of ability) to socialize and treat each other well remain the same (Casterline, 2009).

Very often, parents talk down to their children without meaning to. They think that the child cannot understand adult concepts and so they must present them in a way that they make more sense to children. That is true to a point, but children are very perceptive and often smarter and more understanding than people give them credit for (Casterline, 2009). When things are not explained to them they feel as though they have been left out and they think that they do not matter or that their parents cannot trust them with any information. In trying to help a child and 'be nice,' a parent can actually patronize that child and make him or her feel stupid and uncomfortable. Children should be talked to in the most adult way that they can understand when information has to be given to them, especially about a very serious or grave situation (Casterline, 2009).

Third, communication between parents and children is difficult, but it must not be avoided (Casterline, 2009). A lot of parents simply do not talk to their children because they are not sure what to say. Those same children do not talk to their parents because they do not feel as though their parents would understand. They want to talk to their friends, but they are not interested in talking to anyone older. They assume (wrongly) that their parents never had to deal with these kinds of things, or that it was so long ago that their parents would not know how to help them. They also assume that they are the only people in the world who are going through, have gone through, or will go through whatever it is that they are currently going through (Casterline, 2009). With that in mind it can be very hard to get them to open up to a parent, but parents must continue to try.