An ethical dilemma and its resolution

¶ … Ethical Dilemma

It was the summer of 2001 when I discovered that a close friend of mine, Barry, had begun to abuse drugs. I still clearly remember the shock I felt when I walked into his bedroom and found him sniffing what I guessed to be cocaine. I just stood there not being able to believe what my eyes were telling me. Even today I am not quite sure whether the shock I felt was from the fact that a close friend of mine could be doing drugs, or because I just couldn't believe that a person I had known all my life could have so successfully hidden the fact from me.

The day I discovered Barry doing drugs, I couldn't do anything because of the fact that he was not in a rational state of mind and there was little to be gained from any conversation. Besides I was just too stunned to be able to handle the situation. Instinctively, I knew that the best thing was to leave any confrontation and dialogue for a time when his mind was clear from any influence of the drug he was taking. And so, I just told him that I'd talk to him later and left his house. The dilemma I now faced was not just what I could do to talk Barry out of the dangers of drug abuse, but the fact that Barry's family had been like a second family to me since childhood and to that extent, I felt a huge sense of duty towards his parents and siblings as well. The question, therefore, was whether I needed to talk to his parents about what I had seen and now knew.

On the one hand, talking to Barry's parents felt awfully like betraying a friend, not to mention that I ran the risk of loosing his friendship. While, on the other hand, given the serious consequences of drug abuse, perhaps the right thing was to honor the friendship by placing Barry's interests first and foremost. Viewed from that perspective, confiding in his parents would result in Barry getting far more support and even professional help, if called for, than I could ever give him on my own.

Ethically, it was very clear that I had to inform Barry's parents but, as I discovered for the first time, knowing what is right and being able to act on that knowledge is not always easy. Though I had pretty much made up my mind that I had to talk to Barry's family, I also knew that I would have to share my intentions with Barry first. And that's what increased both my dilemma and apprehension about the unpleasantness ahead. Finally, I decided that perhaps, I should seek out the advice of an impartial third person in the form of my own mother. Which, as it turned out, was the best thing I did for it was my mother who suggested that I share the whole problem with a counselor at the community drug rehabilitation center.