7-Day Listening Journal Seven-Day Listening Journal One

7-Day Listening Journal

Seven-day listening journal

One critical barrier to 'paying attention' is a lack of time. When someone calls me early in the morning and I am in a rush to get ready, I am often guilty of not paying attention to the person who is speaking. This morning, someone called me when I was still foggy and in the process of waking up. Only after finishing the conversation and agreeing to meet the person for coffee at 4pm did I remember that I had another engagement at that time. I had been agreeing to everything the speaker was saying, just to get off of the phone and get into the shower. This required me to call the person back and explain my error. Regarding the nonverbal component of this communication, one problem with phone calls is that there is often little personal investment in a call. It is easy to be distracted and to tune out what the other person is saying when nonverbal behaviors that indicate non-listening (like doing other activities or a vacant stare) cannot be seen by the other party.

Day 2

When I was ordering my coffee, I noticed that the server taking my order seemed to be very distracted. She was talking to the other server behind the counter and laughing. There was also a great deal of background noise from the coffee machine and other patrons. To make sure that she heard my order I engaged in 'clarifying' behavior and asked her to repeat what I said. She seemed annoyed, based upon the tone of her voice, but I did receive the correct order.

Day 3

Taking notes in a college classroom requires a great deal of reflective behavior on the part of the student. Reflective behavior requires the listener to paraphrase what he or she hears. Of course, in the classroom, I cannot reflect aloud and ask a professor to paraphrase every single statement that is made. But internally, I find that I am more engaged with a lecture when I force myself to silently paraphrase to myself what I think the teacher is articulating.

Day 4

I think that the principle of 'withholding judgment' is perhaps the most difficult concept for me to embrace. When having a political argument with someone, like I did today, it is very difficult to truly listen to what the other person is saying in a truly objective fashion. I try to be objective, of course, but this objectivity is often hard-won. It is very easy for a political argument to deteriorate into name-calling, even between friends. Personal bias can impede listening. I noticed that when I spoke, the person with whom I was arguing did not directly respond to my contentions, but instead seemed to talk 'around' me or attacked people (their character or personal habits) rather than the issues at hand.

One positive thing I will note about this interaction, however, is that my friend and I did observe respectful body language. We kept at an appropriate distance from one another when disagreeing, and did not use possibly threatening gestures, or get too far (or, conversely, too distant) from one another to add to the intensity of the discussion.

Day 5

Very often, people's assumptions get in the way of their ability to listen effectively. Sometimes, when I am talking to someone and am in the position of giving orders and having to exercise leadership, it can be very difficult when I am younger or less experienced than the person to whom I am speaking. There is a conventional image that leaders must be 'older' or distinguished that can be hard to surmount. This is frustrating, since I find it difficult to overcome barriers of prejudice in my listeners and establish authority. I try to do so with formal language, a firm voice, and strong body language. Today I was studying with a friend. We were going over problem sets and I knew that one of the problems she solved was wrong, but because I am less experienced in the subject matter than she is, I feel that she was less inclined to believe my correction of her error.

Day 6

Talking with a family member on the phone can be very emotional. Emotions can get in the way of the ability to have a real conversation. Today, I tried to use the method of 'summarizing,' or trying to identify issues on which we agree, to reduce the tendency of me to talk 'at' my mother rather 'with' her.