Meyer\'s Work Is the Assertion

¶ … Meyer's work is the assertion that we tend to treat those who know they are dying differently than those who do not, as if the person who knows more or less when his or her time will come is somehow unlucky enough to die, while the rest of us will live forever. The reason why this struck me so forcefully is the truth of it. I heard someone say once that we are all dying, some just happen to know when they will die. Some will die sooner than I do. But, as the Reverend says, we can all be certain that one day, we will no longer be alive. When dealing with persons who know more or less when they will die, I think part of the reason for treating them differently than we treat other people is that we do not like to be reminded of the certainty and fact of death. This attitude, I think, would be the most difficult for me to change when having to deal with a dying family member some day.

One of the suggestions that Rev. Meyer gives is to be there for the patient from the diagnosis until death, and while being there, to listen to the patient rather than imposing my own views and ideas on him or her. I think this will be difficult for me. When I think about myself honestly, I like to provide my views to others, while sometimes being less prone to listen. During a person's dying process, I might be so zealous about providing comfort that I may miss the agenda of the patient. I may, for example, believe that it would be therapeutic for the person to talk about the illness and the dying process, while the person may not necessarily want to talk about it. I will therefore have to be very careful to consider the person and his or her needs before imposing my own agenda.

If the patient has different religious beliefs than my own, I may also find it difficult to lead them to a sense of peace regarding the afterlife. I am sure that I will want to impose my own views upon him or her, since this gives me such comfort in life, and I will feel certain that it can provide comfort to the dying person as well.

More than these concerns, I think that it will be especially difficult for me to raise the issue of "death planning" with the patient, especially if it is a friend, rather than close family member. There are two reasons for this. First, I will feel that it is only the place of the person closest to the dying person to raise issues like this. I will therefore only feel comfortable when the dying person is a very close family member like a parent or my spouse. This feeling is so strong that I will not even feel comfortable raising the issue with my siblings -- I feel their spouses are the only ones whose right it is to address these issues. Perhaps if the patient him- or herself raises the issue and specifically requests help in this regard, I will be willing to do so, but in general, I feel that this is an issue that I will steer clear of. This, to me, is like any area of life that I feel is very personal and should be shared only among very close family members or loved ones, almost like drawing up a will is a matter for discussion among family members, which rarely involves people beyond the immediate family.

Again, a difficult thing for me to remember after a person has died is Rev. Meyer's suggestion to be there and listen rather than imposing and giving advice that is not asked for wanted. It is difficult for me to let people do things or change at their own pace, so I will have to control my urge to control the situation. In fact, this is advice I would add to the already excellent advice that Rev. Meyer gives.