Vovkun
Depression
This midterm is top ranking in comparison to the others. The outline is very detailed and on the first page, making it easier for me to see what the paper is about and where the writer wants to go through each section. The different sections are also very convincing in their claims such as writer oriented depression. I liked how he used two well-known writers and their bouts of depression and linked them together to where you can see directly and indirectly how depression fueled their career and vice versa. I also liked the use of religion as means of helping people who suffer from depression.
The quotes work very well with each subject. The progression from nature of depression to how depression affects different areas such as religion and literature is well thought out. The bibliography is long and varied with sources from texts, journals. Most of the sources are recent and the formatting throughot the paper is great, especially in regards to in text citation. There are no suggestions for this paper. It is a well crafted piece of work.
Antonia O'Hara
Farming Production and the Myths behind the Process
There was no outline. The bibliography page was short and lacked any variety in sources. It was mainly texts with the exception of one direct interview which proved useful in giving some insight to the topic. "Not only were they infested in the produce," this line confused me. Grammatically, it doesn't sound right. "This was the sprout of the organic movement," these sentences sound off. The first paragraph was incredibly long. It took up the whole page and I wasn't sure where the thesis was. I thought it would come up and be related to the title, myths of farming, but it didn't really mention anything about it except organic farming...
The
conclusion was not clear. I did not know where it started. Some of the quotes, like the Buddha
quote was good and helped convey her message. But I think the focus on the paper ended up being the benefits of locally grown foods which should have been the title of this paper. I enjoyed reading it, it provided me with a lot of information on pesticides and the current condition of American
food.
The main problem is lack of focus on one topic. She needs to stick to one thing and then present claims and counterclaims for it. Going through locally grown foods, then pesticides, than lack of consumer knowledge on food, scatter the point-of-view. Narrowing perspective allows for better
analysis. Otherwise, the topic was interesting, it was made interesting, and I thought everything flowed well. Was it lacking direction, yes. Could it have been more focused, yes.
Jesus-Ramirez
Bulimia Nervosa
The outline was detailed and I liked that it explained all the points he wanted to cover, but I didn't see the outline matching the paper. The first topic, "Bulimia in Dentistry" was not mentioned at all in the outline. In fact he talks about the dental problems bulimics have, but fail to cover it in his outline. "The purpose of this
research paper is to investigate the relationship between bulimia and dentistry, how bulimia affects oral health and the
aesthetic of the teeth." When I read the outline I was looking to see where he would start with the potential causes of Bulimia-nervosa, and
binge eating, etc., but he first starts off cavities and gum disease. There is a misspelling on the first page: " loos of tooth" instead of "loose."
I do like that he did go into defining bulimia-nervosa and binge-eating as well as the binge-purge cycle. I liked how he also covered the potential causes for this disorder. A suggestion might be for him…
