Open or close ended questions are easy to use when attempting to counsel someone for the first time. It is because it does not involve a lot of creative effort and keeps the person asking the questions from experiencing too closely what the client feels. These questions are designed to gain information, but not really allow the counselor to experience them. Paraphrasing lets the counselor truly listen. I feel as though counseling sessions are often an attempt at collecting information rather than actively listening. To keep someone from asking questions, from collecting information in such a simplified manner, opens up the counselor to engage on a level of listening that is more in-depth. Summary also allows for active listening and keeps people focused on the conversation. It forces the counselor to focus on the main points of a session and condense it into a couple of minutes' worth of information. So often counselors cannot summarize all the information collected from questions because they cannot see past their own thought processes asking questions and collecting responses. By summarizing, all the counselor does is hear what the person says, not try to influence the responses.

Reflection of meaning and feelings are ways that a counselor can truly sympathetically hear what the other person says. Not only does this encourage the speaker to open up more, but it places the counselor as close as possible to what the speaker feels and his or her perspective on the issues discussed. Removing the questions from the counseling sessions removes the crutches that so often are used in discussion. It allows for greater sympathetic hearing and truly feels as though the person speaking is being heard. I feel that people need to be more empathetic and sympathetic when engaging in counseling sessions. The whole point is to make the person feels as though she or he is being heard. When the questions are removed, this can be more easily achieved. After all, the greatest tool for a counselor is listening.

Learning certain skills can be difficult. Challenging/confrontation is one of them. It is hard to confront someone without seeming harsh. To take a gentle approach, respecting any cultural differences can seem like an impossible task. This is because confrontation usually involves giving an opinion and helping the person realize what the reality of a situation is. This can be difficult because people do not like to change.

When people are set in their ways, saying anything to them they do not like may cause friction. This friction can then pose a barrier to communication. That is why I feel challenging/confrontation is a tricky skill to learn. It truly involves finesse and an understanding of how the client will react.

Immediacy is a form of confrontation...

Counselors do not like using this kind of confrontation and I understand why because it comes with unexpected outcomes, may deteriorate the familiar pattern a counselor has with the client and can turn the session into a very real and raw moment that may do more harm than good. The best example of this is what if the counselor makes the wrong guess, this removes some of the credibility the counselor established with the client.
Self-disclosure I feel is not worth using until I am more advanced in my training. This is because whatever I say to the client can be shared with anyone else. The use of open-ended and closed questions puts me more in control of the conversation and helps me steer the session into a more productive one. For example, positive asset search. This is a great way to help remind the client of what he or she is capable of and what he or she can achieve.

So many people do not know what they have and can do, and through this technique, it helps remind them. Reminding a client of their skills and resources is also a great way to help them focus on what they can do to stimulate change. Focusing brings attention to the options available for the client to progress and better their situation.

All of these skills I feel will make me into a strong, and skilled counselor. They are difficult to enact in real sessions, because listening to a client is much easier than confronting them, but it makes for a better counselor because confrontation can lead to effective and real change in a client. The thing about these skills is that it forces the counselor to bring the issues discussed by the client into the present. Clients need someone to objectively acknowledge what the problems are and help them move on from these problems so they may live and thrive away from such difficulties.

Therefore, the mix of confrontation styles and focusing on the problems in the present is a proactive way to achieve that. This is not to say it will come easy. For example, self-disclosure may not be a good way to connect to the client because the client may perceive this as a form of bonding. However, in the right moments, it may prove useful and can enable further discussion. The only thing is, is that everyone has limits.

These skills may push both the counselor and the client to their limits. Emotions are real and raw in sessions that involve the use of these skills and may bring unwanted conflict. This is something I feel I will have to deal with as I learn to finesse my use of these skills.

The 50-minute counseling session felt daunting. It is like learning to drive and then taking the test and forgetting to turn on the signal light. It is so easy to forget what I need…