Sociological Explanation of Sexual Initiation and Negotiation
Part of the desire to initiate and negotiate sex stems from the sociological desire to couple or be partnered with another human being. Many people grow up with fantasies and notions of finding Mr. Of Mrs. Right, hoping that at some point in their life they will fall into love and have "an affair of the heart" (Michael, et. al, 1994: 67). The reality of existence however is that most meetings that result in long-term relationships can be mundane. Choice of long-term partners and sexual partners can sometimes differ. In general however, most people seek out people that they think are similar in nature and personality to themselves, even without having intimate knowledge of the social context in which the potential partner lives and exists (Michael, et. al, 1994: 69).
The initiation and negotiation of sex often stems from familiarity. Most people fantasize about wild abandon and reckless behavior. A proliferation of sex ads and the "emergence of erotic e-mail" would have people believe that sexual negotiation and initiation can be explained simply from an impulse perspective (Michael, et. al, 1994: 69). However, studies typically have shown again and again that the selection of a sexual partner often is often governed by the same sociologically principles that govern how an individual "chooses a college, job or car" (Michael, et. al, 1994: 69).
As with any life decision, selection of a sexual partner and the decision to initiate sex often come after consultation with friends, families and advisers, indicating that "our personal social networks" are critical in determining how people choose sexual partners (Michael, et. al, 1994: 69). A study conducted of 1,743 sexual relationships showed that a majority of couples were introduced by families or friends, typically at a social gathering such as a party given by "a mutual friend" or introduced at some similar gathering (Michael, et. al, 1994: 70). This study suggests that sexual initiation often results when people are comfortable with one another. Comfort level and trust generally increase when two people have in common a mutual friend or partnership that plays a part in their own union. People tend to pursue interests and people within the frame of their own personal social network.
In another study of how social networks play into selection and negotiation of sexual relationships, findings revealed that as many as 50-60% of couples in partnerships met via the following social networks: school, work, private parties or church (Michael, et. al, 1994: 72). Partnerships examined included married couples, cohabitating individuals, non-cohabitating couples together one month or more and one month or less.
From a sociological perspective, environment and setting can also play a critical role in sex initiation and negotiation. Familiar environments are much more conducive to relaxation and pleasure. Therefore men and women alike are more likely to seek out sexual friendly environments in the process of negotiating sex with a potential or well established partner.
Sociological factors can also influence the negotiation of sexual activity. Many people feel pressure to be sexually adventurous, and thus often feign actual sexual desire, perhaps in an attempt to conform to society's expectations. Studies have shown that men and women are equally likely to feign sexual desire and experience unwanted or nonconsensual sexual activity (O'Sullivan, L.F. & Allgeier, E.R., 1998: 234). In a study of 160 female and male participants, 33% admitted to consenting to sexual activity despite the lack of desire to do so (O'Sullivan, L.F. & Allgeier, E.R., 1998: 234). The reasons and motivations given for consent were as follows: desire to satisfy partners needs, promotion of intimacy and avoidance of relationship tension (O'Sullivan, L.F., & Allgeier, E.R., 1998: 234). This indicates that a critical aspect of sexual negotiation involves satisfying ones mate and promotion of a mutual sense of satisfaction.
People have a natural inclination to want to satisfy their partners and sustain a relationship. There is much outside pressure for young and old couples alike to maintain intimacy. There also seems a somewhat sociologically acceptable premise that it is sometimes appropriate to sacrifice one's own desires/wants/needs in an effort to promote longevity and happiness within a relationship. These ideas are evidenced in the study above, which indicates that sexual partnering is sometimes a mental game of maintaining harmony and balance within a relationship.
Key Processes Involved in the Initiation and Negotiation of Sex
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