Overly Protective Parents
All parents care about their children; about their education, food, security etc. But sometimes this concern can be transformed into something almost obsessive that compels some parents to constantly monitor every movement of their children and be over controlling. Some children of overprotective parents can end up being aggressive, but can also develop a withdrawn or anti-social personality. Such children also tend to be insecure, have low self-esteem because they never feel safe without their parents. They have no experience dealing with stress and do not know how to do it when they really need to start living on their own. In this paper an introduction of overly protective parents is given discussing the reasons why some parents are over protective. Then the effects of over protection on children are discussed and then the counseling of such children is recommended.
The Overly Protective Parents
Introduction
Overprotective parents are those who spend hours wondering and worrying about their children. It is not necessarily to spoil the children; it's just an intense and excessive emotional involvement and also implies the need to control the child. All this leads to a dependence of both parents on their children and vice versa. Though apparently it may seem a great relationship, but this can result in huge problems in the future of the children. The results are noticeable in their adult age, but no one knows the causes of these characteristics, which grow into personality problems (Clinton, Sibcy, 2006). A child, who has grown up in an environment where he/she gets too much of attention, and care often ends up having serious issues when he/she becomes an adult because parents have high expectations which he/she cannot live up to.
The parents must accept their child as it is, regarding their physique, their strengths, personality, way of being, etc..; not be obsessed with the child; teach things that their children do not know and do things for their children not for themselves, even if they do wrong or take a long time in learning anything, avoid instilling fear in the children. Right or wrong, whatever has to happen will happen in any case (Ong, Nolan, Irvine, Kovacs, 2010).
Parents must not impose their own ideas and dreams on their children. Children should have their own thinking and ideas. Parents should try to encourage their children and not be afraid of failure. They should communicate on daily basis and try to listen and understand although their ideas or beliefs might not be like that of the parents. Praise their good qualities or recognize their achievements and failures, promoting their individuality; encourage them to express their feelings, whether of happiness or sadness, show interest in the child's life, but not wanting to control it. Parents think that love and extra care is all that the children need although children require a lot of other things also from their parents besides love: (Wood, McLeod, Sigman, Hwang, Chu, 2003)
- Adaptation and recognition;
- Respect and tolerance for their ideas and feelings;
- Freedom to make their own decisions;
- To promote creativity;
- Feeling of having contributed to something;
- Opportunity to share the feelings of loss, grief or anger.
Overprotective Parents' Actions
These are some ways in which overprotective parents, over protect their children: a) do not set rules or limits to children, and when to encourage a rule b) do not apply penalty for disobedience, c) do not have the courage to correct the poor performance, d) focus on correcting the damage caused by the misconduct (on the child), e) anticipate the needs and desires (expressed or not) by their children, is typical of them to buy something their children have not requested, either because he was alone, because he might be crying, or just because their friends already have and he does not (Cloud, Townsend, 2001).
Reasons for Being Overly Protective For Children
One of the reason why some parents are overly protective of their children is that they love being protective about their children and love them so much. Other reasons for being obsessed and controlling are: (Emler, 2001)
- Building up their own the self-worth: a person who never feels good about himself tries to compensate by showing that he/she can be a good father or a good mother.
- To compensate for their own deprivations: a common phrase in the parents is "do not want my child to suffer all that I have suffered."
- To relieve guilt and discomfort: sometimes the child's frustrations...
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