Marriage Coaching Book Review

Summary

Marriage Coaching: Heart, Hope, and Skills for a Great Relationship (2011) is a book by Jeff and Jill Williams that provides insight into how to be a good listener, a good asker, a good goal setter, how to be supportive, how to be accountable, how to manage crises, and how to coach a marriage. The central idea is that married couples can self-monitor their own marriage to make sure it is healthy and on the right track. Supporting this idea are the various chapters that explain what skills are required and how to obtain or use these skills.

The book begins by highlighting the need for hope and perseverance, as these are both Christian virtues that a Christian marriage needs in order to survive. Without either, no couple will stick it out and make it work. The book refers to Scripture and encourages spouses to not give up on one another or on their marriage. It then defines marriage coaching and explains how a couple should look at their marriage as though it were a client, i.e., as objectively and not subjectively. They should be able to view their client (marriage) disinterestedly, professionally, and clinically in a sense. This can help them from becoming too caught up in their own feelings.

Then the book goes into how effective listening should be conducted and what it means to ask questions of the other spouse. Both skills are shown as essential to a good marriage because they get one invested in the marriage and engaged with the other person. The key theme throughout all these chapters is that a good marriage is built around giving support for the other spouse. It is not a self-centered affair but rather one in which each spouse lives for the other spouse. But it is also about expressing gratitude and showing appreciation, being kind with words, thoughts and actions, and being present in the moments that spouses share. Marriage in this sense can be thought of as a journey and like with all journeys those who are aboard for the journey should try to be as well-behaved and considerate of others as possible. Self-centered passengers never make for good companions. The books final message is that when viewing the marriage as something apart from oneself one can more easily see what one is contributing to the marriage and what one could be doing to make it better.

Concrete Responses

In the endnotes section of the book, Williams and Williams (2011) state...

Specific actions I will make in my life as a result of my learning are these: I will conduct a self-assessment to see if I in my own life could benefit from supplementary counseling. This will help me to examine whether there are any areas in my life where I am not showing up. I also want to receive coaching because far from viewing being coached as a negative, being coached is actually a great positivefor the best players have always sought out coaching, so it makes sense that in order to have the best relationship one should seek out coaching. Likewise, if one has been coached and understands the process of making it work, one can be a coach to others.

So for me, I want to see if I could benefit from counseling if there are areas in my life where I am failing to apply myself in a functional manner. Second, I want to obtain coaching because coaching is what takes us to the next level. Ultimately, I want to be a coach for others, and that depends upon opening myself to being coached. The more I learn about the process of making marriages work, the more empowered I am, and the more empowered I can help…