INTRODUCTION
The idea of the “traditional” family of the 1950s is rooted more in nostalgia than in actual fact, according to Goode (1983) as quoted in Zinn, Etizen and Wells (2016). However, while the image of the happy, loving 1950s family may be a fiction, the concept of the nuclear family is one that certainly has some roots throughout the centuries. Though family arrangements and situations have differed greatly from society to society and from time to time, the nucleus of the family has generally consisted of a father, mother and child—though how long it remained intact depended on a number of external and internal factors that could range from the impact of disease to the impact of one’s own internal frustration with so-called family life, leading to estrangement. Prior to the modern era, family dynamics and structures were far more normative and typical. The departure from the Old World, which began with the Reformation and Revolution of the 15th century onward, helped to establish a new process of family formation. This paper will describe that process and show how it has changed dramatically in the last two centuries.

FROM COURTSHIP to MATE SELECTION

Today, the idea of courtship is about as foreign to young couples as the idea of learning classical Greek to read Homer in the original language in which it was written. The concept of “courtship” has been replaced by the idea of “hooking up,” which generally simply means satisfying one another’s sexual urges for a time being before going off to “hook up” with someone else once the emotional satisfaction has been drained from the “hook up” (Hamilton and Armstrong 2019). As Demos (1986) indicates, sexual activity outside of marriage is not a modern invention: men and women have always engaged in this practice—the difference today is that it is far more publically and socially accepted among the majority of society, even if some generations may still regard it as taboo (Zinn et al. 2016). Hamilton and Armstrong (2019) show that especially among the younger generations there is more acceptance or expectation even to “hook up”—and to “hook up” means to some extent to experiment with sex and sexuality.

Yet two centuries ago, “hooking up” would have been somewhat scandalous to polite society. The Puritans surely engaged in sexual affairs—but they did so on the sly—i.e., they did so in secret while in public they put on a veneer of piety and sanctity (Zinn et al 2016). Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter is essentially work of literature that serves as a condemnation of the hypocrisy of the early Puritans by focusing exactly on this same point. Nonetheless, the fact remains that if people wanted to “hook up” two hundred years ago, it certainly was not discussed as though it were a norm or a socially accepted practice.

Courtship occurred primarily as a means of mate selection in earlier eras where social rituals were far more common and normative. The rituals of the Old World (prior to Reformation) were still very much a part of society even as society transitioned into the modern era, replacing the Age of Faith with the Age of Reason (wherein natural philosophy begot Romanticism which begot Skepticism which begot Absurdism and post-Modernism). As Coonts (2004) notes, marriage has been in prior centuries as much to do with economic interest as with familial interest: it has been approached like business, with “arranged” marriages the norm in parts of the West at different period leading up to the modern era; it has been romanticized and been approached as something one does when one falls “in love”; and it has been approached as a purely practical affair. In the past century, however, marriage and mate selection has changed dramatically as a result of the women’s movement and liberation: “The extraordinary increase in the economic independence and legal equality of women has reshaped the social landscape of family life” (Coonts 2004:975). The independence that women gained from the domestic sphere primarily occurred in the second half of the 20th century—following World War II, when women were permitted to work outside the home to facilitate the war effort. When the men came home there was a push among women to maintain their independence. This altered the way in which courtship and marriage intertwined.

Even child rearing changed in...…were viewed by the movement as being members of the patriarchy that oppressed women and kept them enslaved to the domestic circle instead of allowing them to be free and independent. Children were viewed as a burden by progressive circles and something of a luxury—to be had only if one wanted them and could afford them. The rearing of children was no longer seen as a duty but rather as a preference (Kim 2019). Gender equality became a battle cry in the latter half of the 20th century and abortion become legalized—so that gender roles were no longer distinctive or distinguishable and children were no longer connected to the idea of marriage. Single parent homes became more numerous and children (accidents as they were called) born out of wedlock became more common. Families were shaped by the cultural elements and cues of the society in which the families immersed themselves and as society had fragmented, there were many variations on the family formation. Thus, in some cases the notion of “family” has transformed completely to mean a single person who has a dog or six cats. In other cases, “family” means a mother with two children by two different fathers, none of whom are in the picture. In other cases, “family” means a mother, father, and children and even extended members of the family (such as grandmother or grandfather). Today, the culturally fragmented society has resulted in a fragmented family formation.

CONCLUSION

Gender roles have changed over the last two centuries and as society has accepted these transformations, family formations have changed as well. The purpose of family formation, of marriage, of “hooking up,” is different depending on one’s group, environment, society, age, gender, or experience. “Hooking up” is somewhat experimental in its essence while “marriage” is viewed as somewhat permanent (though with half ending in divorce, this sense of it has been changed). Children may or may not be part of that picture, which leads many to wonder what the purpose is and whether their views are in alignment. Understanding the need to define views is part of what goes into the concept of family formation.

…