Effective Communication Skills in Resolving

Effective Communication Skills in Resolving Emotional Conflicts

Effective communication is very important in today's society and nowhere is this more true than in the area of resolving emotional conflicts. Is very important to develop strong communication skills in conflict management and by utilizing them correctly people can collaborate very effectively. Being able to collaborate is a very important value not only in social situations but in academic disciplines and career opportunities as well. Quite often, however, many of the formal skills that are needed to deal with emotional conflicts effectively through communication are overlooked and are not taught properly in schools, therefore many people struggle without them (Dooley & Fryxell, 1999).

It appears that there are many processes and structures that are utilized to teach these things to individuals but they do not always work in the way that they should and many people are left with difficulties in communication when they face some type of emotional conflict with another individual (Dooley & Fryxell, 1999). It is important for these individuals to develop skills in communication and collaboration that are very effective and when they learn how to deal with emotional conflict management they become assets not only for the clients that they deal with but for their employers as well (Dooley & Fryxell, 1999). Traditionally individuals focused on the needs of their clients within any business but there are many more tensions coming into many fields today (Dooley & Fryxell, 1999).

This could largely be said to be true of any field of business at this point in time because technology and society is changing so rapidly that emotional conflicts and an inability to deal with them are going to be a large part of the future for many individuals regardless of their occupation (Dooley & Fryxell, 1999). Businesses today are generally communication based and because of this there is a great deal more emotional conflict in business then there used to be (Dooley & Fryxell, 1999). There is such a strong relationship between businesses and communications but many still do not see businesses in this light and this creates a still further emotional conflict (Dooley & Fryxell, 1999). What is meant by the idea that business is communication-based is that without communication skills that are acceptable to others individuals who work in businesses will do poorly around others and therefore the business may suffer as well.

The relationship between businesses and communication must be understood because emotional conflicts within business environments and within business relationships do come up quite often (Granovetter, 1985). Without an understanding of how communication skills work and how important they are to other individuals, being able to resolve emotional conflicts will not be something that is done easily (Granovetter, 1985). Current management literature also indicates that dealing with emotional conflicts properly and using appropriate communication skills also relate to trust (Granovetter, 1985; Bashein & Markus, 1997; Becerra, 1998). This trust is important because it has a great many advantages for individuals who can establish it, maintain it, and therefore utilize it (Granovetter, 1985).

Reducing the complexity of organizations and reducing the need for constant surveillance of employees is just a couple of the benefits that can be seen when trust is available (Granovetter, 1985). However, despite how important trust is there is very little research on how it actually affects various relationships (Granovetter, 1985). What is known, however, is that the degree of openness with which individuals communicate and the level of emotional conflict that they have with one another is directly related to this trust (Deutsch, 1958). Much of this has to do with the agreement among many scholars that the opinions and expectations that an individual has about another's behavior and intentions toward him or her has to do with whether or not that individual is trusted or whether that individual is a source of concern and conflict (Granovetter, 1985).

Individuals who have good strong communication skills and are able to deal with emotional conflicts quickly and easily often make others feel more comfortable about their behavior and their intentions, therefore creating a level of trust that was previously not available (Barber, 1983). These things are circular in some ways. For example, having open communication skills and being able to deal with people appropriately fosters an attitude of trust (Barber, 1983). In turn, trusting other individuals that one is around fosters open communication because individuals are not afraid to speak their minds (Barber, 1983).

This also helps with emotional conflicts because individuals who are willing to speak their minds and have good communication skills with which to do so can often stop emotional conflicts before they get started (Barber, 1983). This is not true of individuals who enjoy communicating but are not good at it because they often say things that either come out incorrectly or have less tact than they actually should have (Barber, 1983). It is often easy for individuals to fall into this trap where they say something because they are trying to resolve a problem and the way they phrase their comment makes the problem worse instead of better (Barber, 1983).

Communication skills, not just the ability to communicate, are vitally important in building trust in others and dealing with emotional conflicts in order to resolve them quickly and with the minimum amount of difficulty for all individuals involved (Fisman & Khanna, 1999). It is important at this point to talk somewhat about trust because the connection between it and how much emotional conflict is seen in the relationship is very complex. This is especially true of business relationships where the motivations and objectives of members in and around the organization are often not very similar (Fisman & Khanna, 1999).

The goals that these individuals have may be very different and because of this they may disagree on various levels and the effectiveness that they have in their personal and business relationships will be reduced (Fisman & Khanna, 1999). Some believe that trust actually creates higher levels of emotional conflict among individuals because many individuals that trust one another feel as though they can speak more openly and plainly (Fisman & Khanna, 1999). This often offends other individuals and therefore the emotional conflict surfaces (Fisman & Khanna, 1999). However, it has also been argued that having good communication skills means that someone will not say something inappropriate to another individual even if he or she feels rather comfortable with them and therefore the emotional conflict that is such a concern for some individuals will not come to pass (Fisman & Khanna, 1999)

Some individuals also confuse the sincere and open communication that is associated with trusting an individual and the communication that comes with problems and emotional conflicts (Fisman & Khanna, 1999). Trusting someone reduces the emotional conflict in a relationship where individuals communicate openly and skillfully with one another (Fisman & Khanna, 1999). Much of this has to do with the belief that individuals will give one another the benefit of the doubt because they have an open and trusting relationship and therefore their levels of emotional conflict will remain low (Fisman & Khanna, 1999). This problem will be reduced and the issues they face will be less significant than they would be for individuals who do not share high levels of trust with one another (Fisman & Khanna, 1999).

Learning these communication skills is something that takes time and effort, and it is something that is often not taught in school (Coleman, 1990). Education teaches one how to be grammatically correct, and it teaches one how to avoid saying most things that are rude or inappropriate, but not all individuals are able to grasp these concepts. Some do not know when they can make these kinds of remarks and when they cannot, and others seem to have no filter on their mouths to catch things that should not come out in mixed company. Many of these people cause emotional conflicts with those around them because they speak their minds but they have not achieved the level of trust that they really need in order to be able to do this effectively and therefore they cause more problems then they correct and continuously fail to build that trust (Coleman, 1990).

Many people also have problems with emotional conflict because they do not agree with the ideas that someone else has or the way that someone wants to take on a particular project or issue. This is very true in business but it is also true in personal relationships as well where one does not agree with something that the other wishes to do. Being able to resolve these emotional conflicts is often much more difficult than it seems to be because people tend to get short tempered and annoyed when they either do not get their way or they cannot convince others that the way the other is choosing is possibly a bad choice for themselves and perhaps for other individuals who may be affected by the change.

There are some things that can be done to resolve emotional conflicts, however, and those with good quality communication skills will be aware of these things. Often these kinds of individuals are used as mediators or go-betweens for various disputes so that they can carry messages and beliefs about misunderstandings and opinions back and forth from one person to another (Coleman, 1990). By doing this these individuals are able to say not only what the individual has asked them or told them to pass on to the other individual but also what the first individual was likely trying to say even if it did not come out correctly (Coleman, 1990).

By carrying these messages and understandings back and forth it is possible that an individual with good communication skills can bridge the gap between two others that were having difficulties and therefore resolve the emotional conflict that these people were having with one another (Coleman, 1990). Sometimes, however, there is not someone available to do this type of thing and therefore the individuals who are experiencing the conflict must work it out for themselves. If they are able to sit down and communicate with each other effectively by really listening to what each other is saying and attempting to see the other's point-of-view it is much more likely that they will resolve the conflict (Coleman, 1990). On the other hand, if they simply get angry and insist that the way they want to do things as the only correct way it is likely that they will not resolve any type of conflict because they are not willing to give and take, which is necessary for any good relationship (Coleman, 1990).

Individuals who are good communicators and who are willing to practice their skills will often learn a great deal about other people and about how to defuse many of the conflicts that come up within business and personal relationships (Ellram & Hendrick, 1995). These people are not therapists and they do not talk down to people, treat them condescendingly, or insist that they are listening or that they understand regarding everything that the person says (Ellram & Hendrick, 1995).