Indeed, first of all, Gudrun is an artist. There are several things that go with this brief characterization. First of all, she understands to seek a wide array of things from both life and a relationship, but all these are founded and based on the freedom of an artist.
Freedom is however only something she sees for herself not for the other individual of a couple. Her belief is that retaining her freedom in a relationship is equivalent to subduing the other individual involved in the couple, to the degree to which he will not be able to affect her personal freedom anymore. We can compare this to Birkin's perception of the couple as a joining together of two individuals in order to form a mutually beneficial and equilibrated relationship.
As Charles Rossman pointed out, "Gerald and Gudrun are locked in a struggle for mastery over one another." The fight in their case is over the supremacy in the relationship, the individual who will retain the power, as an ultimate sign of individual freedom, rather than in finding the common denominators to make the relationship work. Birkin proposes solutions in his relationship with Ursula: a couple and a relationship can be a joining together of two individuals without the underlying freedoms being affected.
In Gudrun's and Gerald's case, the question is more about how one of the two individuals in the couple can lose their freedom in order for the other to retain it. There is no middle ground and no open door that there may actually be a solution between these two extremes. There are several instances where the characters are actually joined by their common perceptions in terms of couple and individuals, but perhaps few gives an impression as these following lines: "In her tone, she made the understanding clear -- they were of the same kind, he and she, a sort of diabolic freemasonry subsisted between them."
The relationship between Birkin and Gerald is more difficult to define and evaluate. This is first due to the fact that the potential homosexual attraction between the two men is much more difficult to appreciate than the heterosexual. Second, it is also difficult because the relationship seems to define itself based, again, on the individual, or rather starting with the individual.
There is, first of all, a matter of balance. Previously in this paper, we have emphasized Birkin's superiority over Ursula as he was able to find balance in his relationship and as a couple. As an individual, however, he is still striving to attain that balance and the homoerotic attraction to Gerald is a clear sign that this is aimed at completing his own personality.
Some have argued that Birking wishes to construct himself somewhere in-between the "autonomy and icy impenetrability of the white-skinned northmen" and the "warm-fluidity of the dark-skinned men." This is probably the best argument for the continuous search of individual balance and equilibrium within Birkin. He does not have a well-defined identity, he is searching for one in-between these two extremes, although he is able to reflect an inner balance which we are not sure exists in his relationship with Ursula.
For Birkin, it is easier to find and accept balance in a relationship than inner balance. For him, the answer in a couple is as simple as allowing each individual to have the same freedoms the individual had before. It does not solve, however, his identity problem, because, virtually, it brings about no change from being a single individual.
This search of balance is one explanation of the openness towards bonding with Gerald. Others have explained the homoerotic attraction through a narcissistic perspective. In his relationship with Gerald, Birkin is trying to project his own individuality. At the same time, Gerald feels that in his relationship with Birkin, he is much more at large to manifest his individuality than he is in his relationship with Gudrun.
This does not necessarily make a comparison between Gudrun and Birkin in terms of who is stronger, but suggests that Gerald and Gudrun are too much of the same type of character to be able to find any kind of balance in their relationship. Gerald and Birkin actually complete each other in the ideal that Birkin speaks...
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