For example, strive to be honest, not defensive. Feedback is fine, even critical feedback, but people are more willing to accept differences if they trust in the emotions of the other person, that their conversational partner doesn't have a hidden agenda. Manage emotions like anger that harm the dialogue process. -- once you have created emotions you can only act from your gut -- or be acted upon, if you've inflamed the other person. 4. Master your stories: All of us have a 'story' -- about ourselves, about the other person, what we think the other person's agenda is likely to be, like the wife convinced that her husband is unfaithful or the employee who is sure his or her boss will be angry at a proposed raise. Instead, reconstruct narratives to make them productive, and if they are not, change these narratives and be honest. If you're telling the story to yourself that you're angry, perhaps you're also embarrassed or surprised or confused (104). Maybe you're projecting emotions onto the other person, such as tightened lips or a cold stare, that you really feel yourself (106)

5. Although persuasion and articulating your 'path' is the goal of dialogue, such honesty does not mean one must be abrasive, cruel,...

Speaking persuasively and not abrasively means stating one's path in a truthful fashion, but still being able to: 6. explore the other person's 'path,' and even if it might not seem fair, and keep listening, even when the other party grows angry or silent. Again, it is easy to listen when things are going your way, the hard thing may be for the hurt wife to remain silent and hear her husband's explanation of the credit card bill, or for the employee to wait out that uncomfortable moment of silence in the bosses' office when the employee first mentions the long overdue raise.
The final principle of: 7. moving to action reminds the reader that what makes a conversation crucial is that it is action-oriented. In other words, what has been accomplished, and how will the goals of the two parties be met? By keeping these seven overlapping principles in mind, ideally a solution can be arrived at that is satisfactory to both participants, and results in an honest exchange of information, with as few hurt feelings as possible.

Works Cited

Patterson, Kerry, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, & Stephen J. Covey. (2002). Crucial Conversations: Tools for…