Process Note

Pastoral Issue: How do I respond to someone in need of compassion?

Learning goal for this session: The learning goal for this session is to develop the skill of compassion for pastoral ministry.

Background

I served my ministry at a suburban parish that consists of primarily Americans from the suburbs and some from the city across the river. People come to this parish because it is conservative. For that reason, the parish consists of many people who are conservative minded about the Church and towards life in a way that some might consider outside the norm.

The parish brings in newcomers from both sides of the river because the church itself is remarkable to seeit has beautiful paintings and statues inside and the architecture is of an old style. The ministry that I served was an adult catechism RCIA class. The class consisted of adults from the parish as well as newcomers. All of the participants, about 30 in number, were baptized Catholics, but some were familiar with one another and othersmainly the newcomerswere not.

At this class, the parish priest wanted me to help with showing compassion for the diverse class. He had noticed that it was hard for newcomers to the parish to fit in right away. This particular parish always seemed to have new visitors but it never seemed to grow. The newcomers were unfamiliar with the regular parishioners and the priest suspected that the in-group of the parish was not very responsive to the needs of newcomers. He did not want the parish to be shunning newcomers or making them feel like they were less Catholic somehow. He wanted them to feel welcome and encouraged to be part of the parish. He wanted the adult catechism class to be a place where people could talk and share ideas and experiences. My job was to introduce some of the newcomers to members of the parish who had been there for a long time. I had to demonstrate compassion by being empathetic with the needs of the newcomers.

The class was more of a discussion session. The parish priest introduced a theme. The theme was: What does God expect of us and how do we know what this is? Then he asked the class to discuss this question among themselves and he asked everyone to mingle and introduce themselves to any new people that they did not yet know.

Description

One newcomer was named Randy (not his real name). He was 27 and was recently married to a woman who already had one son. He and his wife also had a baby on the way. He was shy and did not introduce himself to others but was interested in learning more about the parish and about what he should believe as a Catholic. I saw him sitting by himself in the class and introduced myself to him. I then introduced him to Wayne (not his real name). Wayne is 69 and is a grandfather of several children. His wife is dead, but he has been a long member of the parish and is very conservative in his views and loves the Mass. Wayne was happy to meet Randy, but the conversation was short and Wayne quickly left to make another acquaintance. The discussions that I heard were not really focusing much on the theme. In one group of five parishioners, the theme was being discussed, and the conversation was loud. A couple of newcomers were standing nearby listening, but they were hesitant to take part in the conversation because they did not know the parish members who were having it. I spoke to Randy and asked him what he thought about the question the parish priest had asked us. Randy smiled and looked bashful. He said he did not know, but that he thought God wanted us to be good and to show love to others, but he said he did not know how we knew this. Maybe because thats what the Bible says, but He trailed off. I said, Tell me about yourself. Where do you come from?

He said, I grew up on the west side. My mother used to take me to Mass. I didnt stick with it when I got into my teens, but I met my wife and we both thought it was importantlike we were missing something. Thats kind of what made us connect. Now Im going to be a father and I want to have some answers for my child. I want to be able to guide him. I didnt get a lot of guidance growing up, but I got a little. I feel like I need to educate myself a bit more. Thats kind of why Im here.

I said, Thats great. Thats really great that youre here. I think its very admirable that you are taking the time to try to learn. Why did you choose this parish? Do you live nearby?

He said, No. But something about the church made me think of my Mom and how she always talked about it, because she grew up coming here. I wanted to know what it was that spoke to her about this place.

A young man named Robert (not his real name) approached us and introduced himself. He was 30 and had a wife and three young daughters. He had been a member of the parish for two years. Robert is friendly and makes an effort to introduce himself to newcomers, but he does not have great social skills. He likes to talk about doctrine and he made an attempt to talk about Church teaching and Church history with Randy. But Randy did not know much about it. Robert did most of the talking and suggested some books to Randy to read and then excused himself. I could tell that Randy was not getting what he needed. At the end of the session, I caught up with him on the way out. I asked him if he would like to meet for coffee and we could talk about whatever and maybe I could explain some things if he had any questions he would like to ask. Randy smiled and said, Actually that would be great! I gave him my cell number and he texted me right away so that I had his number. We shook hands. An hour later he texted me a question: How do we know what God wants? I responded in...

…that this is why we pray the Our Father and why Jesus taught us to pray it: He wants us to realize that it is okay to come to Him in spite of our failings. Instead of getting caught up on the debts we owe, we simply pray to God to forgive them, and we must forgive others, too. Forgive our debts as we forgive our debtor (Mt. 6:12.). The word debts in this prayer refers to the sins that are committed against God, who is perfect loveso our debts are sins against perfect love.[footnoteRef:6] When we forgive our debtor, we show compassion to him, which is what Jesus does for us by loving us. He shows compassion to us debtors who have sinned against perfect lovebut perfect love does not hold it against us. He offers us forgiveness because He wants us near Him. So we should not be shy or reluctant to reach out. We know we want to already! [6: Daniel Harrington, The Gospel of Matthew. Vol. of Sacra Pagina Series, Edited by Daniel J. Harrrington. (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 1999), 97.]

Spiritual

Randy taught me that compassion is what can bring us to God. God is so much greater than us, and we sometimes cannot even understand Him and how we, as insignificant as we are, even deserve any of his attention. We feel towards God the way Randy felt towards others at the RCIA discussion session. We are afraid to speak or even introduce ourselves because God knows everything, so why should He be interested in us who know so very little.

Yet, amazingly, God loves us, and is interested in us. He has deep compassion for us. I felt this when I showed compassion towards Randy, just as Fr. Henry showed compassion towards me when I first came to America. By showing compassion to others, we understand what it means for Jesus to have compassion for us. We should not be afraid to come near to God or to introduce ourselves to Him. He is showering us with His love every day, sustaining us in ways that we do not even realize, protecting us and guiding us.

Integration

What I learned from my service at the RCIA discussion session class was that I need to make it a habit to be compassionate to everyone, but especially to those who clearly need it. Jesus was compassionate to those in pain and sorrow. He brought loved ones back to the dead. Compassion is for such moments. For those who are seeking but do not know how to come forward, for those who want to be part of something or who want to receive knowledge but do not know how to asksometimes they need the most compassion because they are shy or lack the courage to speak. Simply getting to know them and helping them to be not afraid is a great first step. I want to be able to continue to do this, to offer myself for their service the way Jesus offered Himself to God for us so that we can be with God for all eternity. Compassion is truly at the heart of our religion, and I am only now really seeing it and understanding it…