Yet holding onto the feelings of superiority I continued to push for what I wanted, causing my parents much pain I am sure. It all came to the breaking point in High School when I saw how the selfishness was leading to drinking and staying out late with bad friends, and was eventually going to lead to really bad things like smoking or drugs. I didn't feel loved by anyone anymore and was more rebellious and depressed than ever. My parents were concerned with me and took an even harder stance against my having free time, threatening to send me away to a military school. My father even laid out all these brochures in front of me and told me to choose one to attend if I did not became nicer to my family. I began to feel really depressed after that and jumped at the chance to go away to a Young Life Summer Camp.
I went on the camp and could see there were other kids with troubled lives like mine. I however was considered to be one of the worst, I could tell how the leaders isolated me and had me spent time with one of the more senior counselors. The counselor spent a lot of time with me, nearly all the time there, talking about how Christ changes people, makes them see the world differently and turns hate into love. He also talked about how Christ died for my sins and I didn't have to walk around hating myself or people anymore. This...
After a week of talking about how much I hated people and myself especially, the counselor said we should pray and ask Jesus into my life. We prayed alone in the wilderness and I felt this incredible peace and love all around me. I'd never felt that before. Finally, I thought, someone accepts me for who I am! We prayed more and I felt the anger lift and realized I didn't have to fight anymore. You could feel the presence of love and understanding, it was amazing. I could not get enough of that.
My counselor helped me memorized Romans 12 and by the timer I went home I could say it by heart. When I got home I had to stop myself from lashing out, and it was so much easier when I reflected on Jesus' love. I started to see how much the teachers in my classes cared for me; I was so full of hate I never saw that before. I also began to serve others as Jesus served us, and noticed my family responding. I no longer felt the need to be mean or inflict pain, gradually I began to change and see that building others up in the love of Jesus was infinitely more fun. I was still made fun of in school and teased, but I didn't strike back with anger or a jabbed comment, instead I prayed God would help me. Having felt His presence there is nothing that could take me away from that.
