Verified Document

Causes Relationships To Fall Apart It Happens Essay

¶ … Causes Relationships to Fall Apart It happens to us all -- that moment when our knees get weak from the sight of someone else; that split second that it seems like nothing else in the entire world matters; that instant when all seems right in the world, and we hope and pray that it never changes. Most everyone remember those beginning stages in a relationship where everything in the universe is absolutely, irrevocably, fearlessly perfect, right? So how do all of those feelings, thoughts, moments of pure bliss take a gut wrenching nose dive for the worse? Why do people fall out of love? How do people go from being love drunk to those month long purging sessions to rid themselves of the toxins that once were our former soul mates? It happens, even to the best of us, even to those of us who attempt to make every wrong right -- it just happens, but there is always a reason for it. Perhaps it was a small error in judgment, or a slight blunder of communication, whatever it is, it was there, and there was no stopping it. Maybe relationships could be a little more easily understood if there was a guideline or sorts to guide romance hopefuls to the successes of a relationship. Perhaps if people understood what the characteristics of a relationship are, then relationships could become more successful.

"Interpersonal relationships are the core of our societal system and have been since before the dawn of civilization. Our ancestors formed associations and alliances to insure survival in a hostile environment, and passed on this for human companionship as an integral part of our physical and emotional composition" (Kalbfleisch, 1993). Often times, many of us identify a relationship as one that is romantically involved, and consider all other connections as a simple association of people. However, it should be entirely understood that the very definition of a relationship is "the connection between two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another, especially as regards the way they behave toward and feel about one another" (Bing). If someone is to understand a particular relationship, then he or she must first understand how relationships are developed and evolving, and how to maintain the livelihood of a relationship.

Relationships are constantly changing, especially in today's society more than ever before. Prior to the dawn of online dating and relationships, people were maintaining their affairs, or relationships, in an 'old fashioned' manner. When people were entering into relationships in the past, they were usually entering in to the relationship with a common goal -- marriage. To many of us living in a world with technology and the ability to connect across the world by the click of a mouse, this seems virtually prehistoric and unorthodox. Many women today are seeking independence, the ability to make a name for themselves, without having to have a husband as an accessory for furthering their professional (and, at times, personal) goals, but it was not always this way! Many women in earlier eras dreamed of nothing more than finding a man to marry, usually with hopes of marrying into wealth, just as a mean to survive; and as for men, it was simply to draw out their legacies. However, now many relationships are not being built on a means for marriage as an end result, but more for a version of companionship that may end up in marriage, eventually; but members of the potential union are now facing several cultural differences, which can cause a huge amount of stress on a relationship.

Relationships that are heavily influenced by cultural differences are becoming more common in today's society. We have entered into an age of travelling (and living) in cultures that are not out own, and because of this age of exploration, it has been noticed that there are several notable cultural differences being formed. Many cultures have different traditions in regards to marriages, and with people from other countries entering into these unions; they do not always share the same customs. Similar to marriage customs, there is a difference in religion when attempting to blend cultures, and due to these differences, there are several stressors that can come along with it, simply because the two cultures (and their families) cannot, at times, reach a common agreement. So how can relationships, even those of different cultures, maintain successfulness -- through relationship maintenance and continuous commitment.

Relationship maintenance is one of the most important keys to the success of a relationship, and it is comprised of trust, mutual respect, individuality, and commitment. If members in a relationship do not fulfill the...

Both parties need to be able to rely on trust and especially mutual respect, without these things, how is that spark ever supposed to ignite into anything at all? Moreover, commitment is a fundamental key to the success of a relationship. "Commitment is a belief in relationship permanence and the understanding that at times your union will need a life-jacket to stay afloat. When you and your partner are committed to the relationship, the union remains more important than your (and your partner's) individual needs; without mutual commitment, deep trust will never take root and intimacy will wither" (Wellsphere, 2008). If two people are not committed to each other, then they are also not committed to the success and livelihood of their relationship or union, and therefore the likelihood of their partnership prospering is jeopardized. Wellsphere continues to say that "commitment has a dual role in your relationship. You can view commitment as the vehicle to help deepen your love, and you can also view it as a safety net of sorts, a way to protect your marriage or relationship during the difficult periods that each and every relationship experiences" (Wellsphere, 2008). Commitment is quite obviously the foundation to the success of all relationships, and without it, there is not much hope for a relationship's survival. Though, how do members in a relationship progress through the different stages of a relationship? A theoretical model, called the Relational Development Model, brings these stages to the surface with a clear explanation of a relationship from start to finish, developed by Mark L. Knapp.
Mark L. Knapp is internationally known for his work in nonverbal communication (Knapp), and he developed a theoretical model known as The Relational Development Model, to map the progression of an interpersonal relationship between two parties. The Relational Development Model identifies 10 different stages divided into three overlapping phases: coming together, relational maintenance, and coming apart (Roslan, 2010). The first of the three phases is what Knapp refers to as the "Coming Together" phase, which is comprised of the Initiation, Experimentation, and Intensifying stages. During these stages, according to Knapp, couples can expect the initial physical attractions to surface; this is followed by finding common grounds and interests with one another, as well as testing, which Knapp describes as "how relationships grow and self-disclosure becomes more apparent and deep. People find many different ways to foster their relationships in order to stimulate relational development. Methods include giving gifts, asking for a romantic relationship commitment or expressing affection both verbally and nonverbally" (Roslan, 2010). Once the relationship has been fostered, Knapp suggests that the next step in the model is "Relationship Maintenance," which is comprised of the integration and bonding phases. In these phases, the status as a couple is entirely defined and their commitment to one another is announced to those around them.

Sadly, however, the next steps in Relational Development are involved in the "Coming Apart" stage, where a couple descends into the stages were differences in commonalities are noted, and the momentum of wanting to work together is depleting. Shortly after this, couple find themselves setting boundaries for communication. "The communication becomes much shallower and the range of topics significantly decline. Partners may fear discussing deep topics because of the threat of a conflict, leading to less communication altogether" (Roslan, 2010). The following stages to this phase communication lessens, and eventually, ends entirely, just as seen in the film, The Break-up, where the characters of Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston completely fall to pieces, based upon not being communicative with each other, and find themselves at the final stage of the Relational Development model, the termination stage. Knapp mentions that in this stage, "the relationship stops completely. Although it is possible to save a relationship from this stage of development, it is very difficult to "relight the fire" that once held the relationship together. However, the coming apart stages of the Relationship Development Model are not necessarily negative. Sometimes, it is healthy for two people to terminate their relationship in the interest of personal aspirations and well-being" (Roslan, 2010). The characters in The Break-Up align with this concept as seen at the end of the film, when they run in to one another on the street, are completely civilized, and move…

Sources used in this document:
References

Baxter, L.A., & Braithwaite, D.O. (2008). Interpersonal communication: evolving interpersonal relationships. Los Angeles: Sage Publications. http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=aaD9iVgxpE4C&oi=fnd&pg=PR13&dq=Interpersonal+communication+:+evolving+interpersonal+relationships&ots=sI36504Nzv&sig=WLjMoUxRflWxRn6YTf7Hkbfhghg#v=onepage&q&f=false

Harvey, J.H., & Wenzel, A. (2001). Close romantic relationships: maintenance and enhancement. Mahwah, N.J: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=knWespEJEncC&oi=fnd&pg=PA1&dq=Close+romantic+relationships+:+maintenance+and+enhancement&ots=Cqv3DKeRC5&sig=Ik894HW_i7oiC5nQUrr8A1uR4LA#v=onepage&q&f=false

Kalbfleisch, P.J. (1993). Interpersonal communication: evolving interpersonal relationships. Hillsdale, N.J: Lawrence Erlbaum.

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=HWLXu63TQWQC&oi=fnd&pg=PR9&dq=Engaging+theories+in+interpersonal+communication+:+multiple+perspectives&ots=-C4Hjy8hzt&sig=DphRi4xnkfdGngCGYySqXh8Ubmw#v=onepage&q&f=false
Knapp, M.L. (n.d.). Mark knapp: Communication studies. Retrieved from http://commstudies.utexas.edu/faculty/interpersonal-communication/mark-knapp
Perceived relational stability in on-again/off-again relationships. Dailey, Rene M., Middleton, Ashley V., Green, Erik W. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Feb 2012; vol. 29: pp. 52-76 http://books.google.com/books?id=N_JGRMR7RVUC&pg=PA216&dq=Perceived+relational+stability+in+on-again/off-again+relationships&hl=en&sa=X&ei=muWGT5fOJsSFgwef36nCDg&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false
Roslan, A. (2010, October 27). Knapp's relational developmental model. Retrieved from http://www.adamroslan.com/2010/10/knapps-relational-development-model/
Slovich, J. (2011, July 18). [Web log message]. Retrieved from http://lifeasahuman.com/2011/relationships/5-top-reasons-why-relationships-end/
The "standards for openness hypothesis": Why women find (conflict) avoidance more dissatisfying than men Afifi, Tamara D., Joseph, Andrea, Aldeis, Desiree Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Feb 2012; vol. 29: pp. 102-125 http://spr.sagepub.com/content/early/2011/09/02/0265407511420193.abstract?rss=1&patientinform-links=yes&legid=spspr;0265407511420193v1
Wellsphere. (2008, August 24). The healthy relationship place: Commitment - the essential ingredient in your relationship. Retrieved from http://www.wellsphere.com/relationships-sex-article/the-healthy-relationships-place-commitment-the-essential-ingredient-in-your-relationship/173112
Cite this Document:
Copy Bibliography Citation

Related Documents

Emergence of Colonial Resistance in Things Fall Apart
Words: 3014 Length: 7 Document Type: Term Paper

Things Fall Apart Chinua Achebe is one of the most influential and powerful writers of today, and he is also one of the most widely published writers today. Chinua Achebe has in fact written more than twenty-one novels, and short stories, and books of poetry as well, and his very first landmark work was "Things Fall apart," which was published in the year 1958, when the author was just twenty-eight years

Culture and Universal Principles in Things Fall Apart
Words: 2111 Length: 6 Document Type: Essay

Things Fall Apart and the Issue of Culture From a cultural analysis perspective, the two main cultures represented in Achebe's Things Fall Apart, stem from opposing religious/social positions and both react to and against one another in different ways, as illustrated by the actions of the main character Okonkwo, a native Igbo and leader of his community (violently committed to defending his tribe's ways and culture against other tribes and against

Personal Application of Knapp's Relationship Development Model
Words: 2243 Length: 6 Document Type: Essay

Interpersonal Relationship Most people have had relationships that began with promise but ended badly. This is certainly the case with myself, and in my case, I can think of one popular song that always reminds me of the optimistic beginning and disastrous end of a certain relationship. This song is "Billie Jean," a well-known and bestselling single by the late Michael Jackson from his 1983 album Thriller -- which still ranks

Management Issues Regarding Office Relationships
Words: 1503 Length: 5 Document Type: Research Paper

"A well-written, widely publicized, strictly enforced fraternization policy won't prevent office romances from developing. It will, however, make life a lot easier, and less litigious, for you when you have to deal with it" (Reh, 2010). References: Amble, B., 2007, Office politics the biggest cause of stress, Management Issues, http://www.management-issues.com/2007/1/18/research/office-politics-the-biggest-cause-of-stress.asp last accessed on October 29, 2010 Bailey, J., Romantic and sexual relationship can cause workplace stress -- a word from the office,

Trust and Relationships in Negotiation
Words: 1997 Length: 7 Document Type: Essay

Trust and Relationships in Negotiation Introduction Successful negotiations rely heavily upon the ability of those involved to develop trust and build solid relationships. If parties to a negotiation cannot trust one another and do not develop the kind of relationships required, it is highly unlikely that they will arrive at the kind of satisfactory, win-win outcome that all sides desire. But how does one define trust? What steps can be taken to

Fall Camus's Story, the Fall
Words: 2138 Length: 5 Document Type: Term Paper

.. Anyone who has considerably meditated on man, by profession or vocation, is led to feel nostalgia for the primates. They at least don't have any ulterior motives." (Camus, 4) Passion as well might make one authentic, or a true and mindless embrace of any aspect of life. Truthfully, the story does little to present us with true authenticity, because the narrator himself never discovers it. The meaning of this story

Sign Up for Unlimited Study Help

Our semester plans gives you unlimited, unrestricted access to our entire library of resources —writing tools, guides, example essays, tutorials, class notes, and more.

Get Started Now