I daydreamed about being somewhere else, about being someone else" (2). Naturally, her poor practice leads to a poor performance in front of her family and peers.
Here however, her reactions betray her. Tan reveals that Jing-mei values her mother's acceptance of her above anything. When Jing-mei laments that her "mother's expression was what devastated [her]: a quiet, blank look that said she had lost everything" and "No accusations, No blame. And in a way, [she] felt disappointed" (3), it becomes clear that Jing-mei's rebellions have been a function of her need for mother's acceptance and approval.
Jing-mei needed her mother to express some form of emotion towards her. Even anger or hostility equates to emotion, which in turn equates to love. Jing-mei does not express devastation over her embarrassing performance or the snide remarks by the little boy or her cousin. Rather, her desire to rebel and her need for acceptance for her mother have intersected and not receiving the acceptance was devastating to her.
After the talent show, Jing-mei again rebelled by refusing to continue her piano lessons. After her and her mother had a battle of wills, Jing-mei believed she had won the battle by proclaiming that she wished she were dead, like her mother's first two children. Her mother was shocked into silence, which Jing-mei took as a victory: "It was as if I had said magic words. Alakazam!-her face went blank, her mouth closed, her arms went slack, and she backed out of the room, stunned…" (3).
Jing-mei and her mother never resolved this conflict, rather they both dropped it permanently. And while Jing-mei refers to that exchange years later as her ultimate betrayal of her mother, she says the more frightening questions in her head was "Why had her mother given up hope" (4)? The notion that her mother would not continuously harass and nag her to be someone she was not or could not, was seen by Jing-mei as the ultimate sign that she had not won or earned her mother's acceptance or approval.
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