To remedy this and other similar situations, Fountain suggests open and honest communication, during which the adult child should be both firm, honest, and compassionate. It is important to understand the need of an elderly parent to remain an important part of the family, while also creating boundaries within which these feelings can be accommodated. Not doing this effectively can create bitterness, conflict, and an ultimate scar on the parent-child relationship. Fountain (2013), however, maintains that effective communication will prevent such scarring.
The relationship between parents and adult children can also be affected by divorce or widowhood. The above-mentioned conflict, for example, can result when a woman who has taken care of her dying husband is left alone after his death. She may experience feelings not only of intense loneliness, but also a continued need to provide care. The most effective solution in such a case is to provide boundaries within which such a mother can care for grandchildren or other domestic chores. This can create an effective balance, in which both the elderly parent and adult children derive benefits (Chapter 6, p. 111).
Another unfortunate fact of modern life is that divorce is more prevalent than ever among couples, both with and without children. This could affect the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren (Chapter 11, p. 211). If a daughter-in-law, for example, has custody of the children after divorce, it is less likely for the paternal grandparents to maintain contact with them. Again, in such a situation, effective and honest communication can mitigate this rift in family relationships and ultimate benefit all parties involved.
Of course, the above-menioned cases can occur for as long as the older person has the ability to function independently with continued physical health. There does come a time in the lives of the elderly, however, when this is no longer the case, and adult children become responsible for making decisions regarding the care of their elderly...
Once this happens, children are either responsible themselves for the care of elderly parents residing with them, or for decisions regarding their care by others. Such care can be in the form of home care in the elderly parent's residence or by personnel within care homes. The effects of aging on a parent can have significant psychological effects on the offspring.
First, adult offspring with young children could feel overwhelmed by being in the middle of needing to provide care for both incapacitated parents and growing children. To avoid being negatively impacted by such major change, the author suggests an open channel of communication among parents and children before the care giving transition becomes necessary. Such communication should include factors like the type of care preferred, the financial situation of both parents and children, the potential medical needs of aging parents, and the role of siblings in the future care giving situation. Hefferman's bottom line is that both parents and children should accept physical age-related change as a natural part of life.
Malendez (2009) confirms that adult children need to assess their parents' needs on a continuous basis. The author emphasizes that the current social care situation is such that a myriad age-related needs can be met by means of professional services. Indeed, these can provide significant support for those adult children who do not have the time, expertise, or accommodations to assist their elderly parents. The author notes that such services can be as simple as help with showering or as involved as ensuring that doctor's visits occur on a regular basis, as necessary.
In conclusion, aging necessarily changes relationships. As the body and general ability to conduct one's own life and choices change, communication is essential in terms of maintaining healthy and effective relationships. This is essential, even as parents become less able to care for themselves, to recognize that the final memories can still be good ones.
