¶ … ages a woman addressing God in an intimate fashion would be a very radical notion: in Haught's poem the woman addresses God as if she is His friend, and some people might consider that transgressive of theological norms, depending upon their particular religious beliefs. I do agree with you that tonally the poem does not have an 'extreme' tone in the manner that Bly suggests, but is it possibly to write a 'quietly' extreme poem? Even seemingly humble subjects can have potentially radical ramifications. For some people, not measuring up to their personal standards seems like a disaster, a kind of daily disaster in their mind's eyes.
I suppose to some extent I disagree with Bly that extreme poems must involve "breakdown, madness, rage, suicide" (Bly 282). Even just living through adolescence can be an 'extreme' event for some people, or making it through the day. What constitutes extremity often depends upon the mindset of the subject, more so than the external event. That is actually what I like so much about poetry. It focuses much more upon the writer's internal emotional state vs. external events like most forms of prose. An internal prayer can become a dramatic incident, in the hands of a skilled poet. A good poet does not need drama worthy of a high-concept special effects Hollywood movie or the drama of a soap opera to hold the reader's attention. I do agree that 'something has to happen' for a poem to be compelling, but as long as the writer makes the subject feel significant with his or her effective use of language, I think it is still possible to write a great poem on an apparently mundane subject. Another question which arises is if Bly's concept of great poetry is gendered: because women, by virtue of their experiences, often have tended to write on domestic subjects, it is arguable that this has caused their poetry to be devalued in comparison to their male counterparts.
